ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.

Why you should listen

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

Read the TED Blog's Q&A with Brené Brown >>

More profile about the speaker
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxHouston

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability

布琳.布朗:脆弱的力量

Filmed:
46,319,192 views

布琳.布朗致力于研究人与人的关系--我们感同身受的能力、获得归属感的能力、爱的能力。在TEDx休斯敦一次富有感染力的幽默谈话中,她跟我们分享了她的研究发现,一个让她更想深入了解自己以及人类的发现。
- Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:15
So, I'll start开始 with this:
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那我就这么开始吧:
00:17
a couple一对 years年份 ago, an event事件 planner规划人员 called me
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几年前,一个活动策划人打电话给我,
00:19
because I was going to do a speaking请讲 event事件.
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因为我当时要做一个演讲。
00:21
And she called, and she said,
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她在电话里说:
00:23
"I'm really struggling奋斗的 with how
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“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上
00:25
to write about you on the little flyer传单."
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介绍你。”
00:27
And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle斗争?"
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我心想,怎么会苦恼呢?
00:29
And she said, "Well, I saw you speak说话,
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她继续道:“你看,我听过你的演讲,
00:31
and I'm going to call you a researcher研究员, I think,
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我觉得我可以称你为研究者,
00:34
but I'm afraid害怕 if I call you a researcher研究员, no one will come,
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可我担心的是,如果我这么称呼你,没人会来听,
00:36
because they'll他们会 think you're boring无聊 and irrelevant不相干."
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因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。”
00:38
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
00:40
And I was like, "Okay."
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好。
00:42
And she said, "But the thing I liked喜欢 about your talk
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然后她说:“但是我喜欢你的演讲,
00:44
is you're a storyteller说故事的人.
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就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
00:46
So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller说故事的人."
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我想来想去,还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当。”
00:49
And of course课程, the academic学术的, insecure不安全 part部分 of me
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而那个做学术的,感到不安的我
00:52
was like, "You're going to call me a what?"
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脱口而出道:“你要叫我什么?”
00:54
And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller说故事的人."
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她说:“我要称你为讲故事的人。"
00:57
And I was like, "Why not magic魔法 pixie小精灵?"
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我心想:”为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?“
01:00
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
01:03
I was like, "Let me think about this for a second第二."
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我说:”让我考虑一下。“
01:06
I tried试着 to call deep on my courage勇气.
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我试着鼓起勇气。
01:09
And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller说故事的人.
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我对自己说,我是一个讲故事的人。
01:12
I'm a qualitative定性 researcher研究员.
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我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
01:14
I collect搜集 stories故事; that's what I do.
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我收集故事;这就是我的工作。
01:16
And maybe stories故事 are just data数据 with a soul灵魂.
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或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
01:19
And maybe I'm just a storyteller说故事的人.
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或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
01:21
And so I said, "You know what?
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于是我说:”听着,
01:23
Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller研究员,讲故事的人."
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要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。“
01:26
And she went, "Haha哈哈. There's no such这样 thing."
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她说:”哈哈,没这么个说法呀。“
01:29
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
01:31
So I'm a researcher-storyteller研究员,讲故事的人,
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所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人,
01:33
and I'm going to talk to you today今天 --
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我今天想跟大家谈论的--
01:35
we're talking about expanding扩大 perception知觉 --
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我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知--
01:37
and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories故事
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我想给你们讲几个故事
01:39
about a piece of my research研究
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是关于我的一份研究的,
01:42
that fundamentally从根本上 expanded扩大 my perception知觉
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这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知,
01:45
and really actually其实 changed the way that I live生活 and love
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也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、
01:48
and work and parent.
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工作还有教育孩子的方式。
01:50
And this is where my story故事 starts启动.
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我的故事从这里开始。
01:52
When I was a young年轻 researcher研究员, doctoral博士生 student学生,
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当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候,
01:55
my first year I had a research研究 professor教授
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第一年,有位研究教授
01:57
who said to us,
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对我们说:
01:59
"Here's这里的 the thing,
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”事实是这样的,
02:01
if you cannot不能 measure测量 it, it does not exist存在."
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如果有一个东西你无法测量,那么它就不存在。“
02:04
And I thought he was just sweet-talking甜说话 me.
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我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
02:07
I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely绝对."
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我说:“真的么?” 他说:“当然。”
02:10
And so you have to understand理解
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你得知道
02:12
that I have a bachelor's本科 in social社会 work, a master's硕士 in social社会 work,
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我有一个社会工作的学士文凭,一个社会工作的硕士文凭,
02:14
and I was getting得到 my Ph博士.D. in social社会 work,
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我在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭,
02:16
so my entire整个 academic学术的 career事业
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所以我整个学术生涯
02:18
was surrounded包围 by people
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都被人所包围,
02:20
who kind of believed相信
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他们大抵相信
02:22
in the "life's人生 messy, love it."
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生活是一团乱麻,接受它。
02:25
And I'm more of the, "life's人生 messy,
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而我的观点则倾向于,生活是一团乱麻,
02:27
clean清洁 it up, organize组织 it
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解开它,把它整理好,
02:30
and put it into a bento便当 box."
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再归类放入便当盒里。
02:32
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
02:34
And so to think that I had found发现 my way,
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我觉得我领悟到了关键,
02:37
to found发现 a career事业 that takes me --
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有能力去创一番事业,让自己--
02:40
really, one of the big sayings语录 in social社会 work
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真的,社会工作的一个重要理念是
02:43
is, "Lean into the discomfort不舒服 of the work."
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置身于工作的不适中。
02:46
And I'm like, knock discomfort不舒服 upside上边 the head
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我就是要把这不适翻个底朝天
02:49
and move移动 it over and get all A's.
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每科都拿到A。
02:51
That was my mantra口头禅.
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这就是我当时的信条。
02:54
So I was very excited兴奋 about this.
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我当时真的是跃跃欲试。
02:56
And so I thought, you know what, this is the career事业 for me,
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我想这就是我要的职业生涯,
02:59
because I am interested有兴趣 in some messy topics主题.
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因为我对乱成一团,难以处理的课题感兴趣。
03:02
But I want to be able能够 to make them not messy.
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我想要把它们弄清楚。
03:04
I want to understand理解 them.
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我想要理解它们。
03:06
I want to hack into these things
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我想侵入那些
03:08
I know are important重要
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我知道是重要的东西
03:10
and lay铺设 the code out for everyone大家 to see.
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把它们摸透,然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。
03:12
So where I started开始 was with connection连接.
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所以我的起点是“关系”。
03:15
Because, by the time you're a social社会 worker工人 for 10 years年份,
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因为当你从事了10年的社会工作,
03:18
what you realize实现
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你必然会发现
03:20
is that connection连接 is why we're here.
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关系是我们活着的原因。
03:23
It's what gives purpose目的 and meaning含义 to our lives生活.
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它赋予了我们生命的意义。
03:26
This is what it's all about.
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就是这么简单。
03:28
It doesn't matter whether是否 you talk to people
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无论你跟谁交流
03:30
who work in social社会 justice正义 and mental心理 health健康 and abuse滥用 and neglect忽略,
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工作在社会执法领域的也好,负责精神健康、虐待和疏于看管领域的也好
03:33
what we know is that connection连接,
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我们所知道的是,关系
03:35
the ability能力 to feel connected连接的, is --
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是种感应的能力--
03:38
neurobiologically神经生物学 that's how we're wired有线 --
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生物神经上,我们是这么被设定的--
03:41
it's why we're here.
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这就是为什么我们在这儿。
03:43
So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start开始 with connection连接.
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所以我就从关系开始。
03:46
Well, you know that situation情况
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下面这个场景我们再熟悉不过了,
03:49
where you get an evaluation评测 from your boss老板,
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你的上司给你作工作评估,
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and she tells告诉 you 37 things you do really awesome真棒,
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她告诉了你37点你做得相当棒的地方,
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and one thing -- an "opportunity机会 for growth发展?"
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还有一点--成长的空间?
03:56
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
03:58
And all you can think about is that opportunity机会 for growth发展, right?
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然后你满脑子都想着那一点成长的空间,不是么。
04:02
Well, apparently显然地 this is the way my work went as well,
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这也是我研究的一个方面,
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because, when you ask people about love,
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因为当你跟人们谈论爱情,
04:08
they tell you about heartbreak心碎.
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他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事。
04:10
When you ask people about belonging属于,
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当你跟人们谈论归属感,
04:12
they'll他们会 tell you their most excruciating痛苦 experiences经验
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他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心的
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of being存在 excluded排除.
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被排斥的经历。
04:17
And when you ask people about connection连接,
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当你跟人们谈论关系,
04:19
the stories故事 they told me were about disconnection断开.
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他们跟我讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。
04:22
So very quickly很快 -- really about six weeks into this research研究 --
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所以很快的--在大约开始研究这个课题6周以后--
04:25
I ran into this unnamed无名 thing
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我遇到了这个前所未闻的东西
04:28
that absolutely绝对 unraveled揭开 connection连接
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它揭示了关系
04:31
in a way that I didn't understand理解 or had never seen看到.
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以一种我不理解也从没见过的方式。
04:34
And so I pulled back out of the research研究
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所以我暂停了原先的研究计划,
04:36
and thought, I need to figure数字 out what this is.
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对自己说,我得弄清楚这到底是什么。
04:39
And it turned转身 out to be shame耻辱.
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它最终被鉴定为耻辱感。
04:42
And shame耻辱 is really easily容易 understood了解
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耻辱感很容易理解,
04:44
as the fear恐惧 of disconnection断开:
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即害怕被断绝关系。
04:46
Is there something about me
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有没有一些关于我的事
04:48
that, if other people know it or see it,
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如果别人知道了或看到了,
04:51
that I won't惯于 be worthy值得 of connection连接?
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会认为我不值得交往。
04:54
The things I can tell you about it:
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我要告诉你们的是:
04:56
it's universal普遍; we all have it.
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这种现象很普遍;我们都会有(这种想法)。
04:58
The only people who don't experience经验 shame耻辱
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没有体验过耻辱的人
05:00
have no capacity容量 for human人的 empathy同情 or connection连接.
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不具有人类的同情或关系。
05:02
No one wants to talk about it,
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没人想谈论自己的糗事,
05:04
and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
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你谈论的越少,你越感到可耻。
05:09
What underpinned支撑 this shame耻辱,
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滋生耻辱感的
05:11
this "I'm not good enough足够," --
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是一种“我不够好."的心态--
05:13
which哪一个 we all know that feeling感觉:
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我们都知道这是个什么滋味:
05:15
"I'm not blank空白 enough足够. I'm not thin enough足够,
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”我不够什么。我不够苗条,
05:17
rich丰富 enough足够, beautiful美丽 enough足够, smart聪明 enough足够,
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不够有钱,不够漂亮,不够聪明,
05:19
promoted提拔 enough足够."
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职位不够高。“
05:21
The thing that underpinned支撑 this
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而支撑这种心态的
05:23
was excruciating痛苦 vulnerability漏洞,
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是一种刻骨铭心的脆弱,
05:26
this idea理念 of,
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关键在于
05:28
in order订购 for connection连接 to happen发生,
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要想产生关系,
05:30
we have to allow允许 ourselves我们自己 to be seen看到,
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我们必须让自己被看见,
05:33
really seen看到.
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真真切切地被看见。
05:35
And you know how I feel about vulnerability漏洞. I hate讨厌 vulnerability漏洞.
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你知道我怎么看待脆弱。我恨它。
05:38
And so I thought, this is my chance机会
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所以我思考着,这次是轮到我
05:40
to beat击败 it back with my measuring测量 stick.
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用我的标尺击溃它的时候了。
05:43
I'm going in, I'm going to figure数字 this stuff东东 out,
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我要闯进去,把它弄清楚,
05:46
I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally完全 deconstruct解构 shame耻辱,
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我要花一年的时间,彻底瓦解耻辱,
05:49
I'm going to understand理解 how vulnerability漏洞 works作品,
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我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么运作的,
05:51
and I'm going to outsmart智取 it.
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然后我要智取胜过它。
05:54
So I was ready准备, and I was really excited兴奋.
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所以我准备好了,非常兴奋。
05:59
As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
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跟你预计的一样,事与愿违。
06:01
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
06:04
You know this.
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你知道这个(结果)。
06:06
So, I could tell you a lot about shame耻辱,
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我能告诉你关于耻辱的很多东西,
06:08
but I'd have to borrow everyone大家 else's别人的 time.
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但那样我就得占用别人的时间了。
06:10
But here's这里的 what I can tell you that it boils down to --
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但我在这儿可以告诉你,归根到底 --
06:13
and this may可能 be one of the most important重要 things that I've ever learned学到了
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这也许是我学到的最重要的东西
06:16
in the decade of doing this research研究.
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在从事研究的数十年中。
06:19
My one year
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我预计的一年
06:21
turned转身 into six years年份:
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变成了六年,
06:23
thousands数千 of stories故事,
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成千上万的故事,
06:25
hundreds数以百计 of long interviews面试, focus焦点 groups.
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成百上千个采访,焦点集中。
06:28
At one point, people were sending发出 me journal日志 pages网页
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有时人们发给我期刊报道,
06:30
and sending发出 me their stories故事 --
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发给我他们的故事 --
06:33
thousands数千 of pieces of data数据 in six years年份.
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不计其数的数据,就在这六年中。
06:36
And I kind of got a handle处理 on it.
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我大概掌握了它。
06:38
I kind of understood了解, this is what shame耻辱 is,
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我大概理解了这就是耻辱,
06:40
this is how it works作品.
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这就是它的运作方式。
06:42
I wrote a book,
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我写了本书,
06:44
I published发表 a theory理论,
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我出版了一个理论,
06:46
but something was not okay --
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但总觉得哪里不对劲 --
06:49
and what it was is that,
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它其实是,
06:51
if I roughly大致 took the people I interviewed采访
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如果我粗略地把我采访过的人
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and divided分为 them into people
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分成
06:56
who really have a sense of worthiness老有所为 --
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具有自我价值感的人 --
06:59
that's what this comes down to,
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说到底就是
07:01
a sense of worthiness老有所为 --
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自我价值感 --
07:03
they have a strong强大 sense of love and belonging属于 --
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他们勇于去爱并且拥有强烈的归属感 --
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and folks乡亲 who struggle斗争 for it,
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另一部分则是为之苦苦挣扎的人,
07:08
and folks乡亲 who are always wondering想知道 if they're good enough足够.
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总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。
07:10
There was only one variable变量
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区分那些
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that separated分离 the people who have
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敢于去爱
07:14
a strong强大 sense of love and belonging属于
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并拥有强烈归属感的人
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and the people who really struggle斗争 for it.
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和那些为之而苦苦挣扎的人的变量只有一个。
07:18
And that was, the people who have
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那就是,那些敢于去爱
07:20
a strong强大 sense of love and belonging属于
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并拥有强烈归属感的人
07:22
believe they're worthy值得 of love and belonging属于.
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相信他们值得被爱,值得享有归属感。
07:25
That's it.
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就这么简单。
07:27
They believe they're worthy值得.
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他们相信自己的价值。
07:30
And to me, the hard part部分
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而对于我,
07:33
of the one thing that keeps保持 us out of connection连接
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那个阻碍人与人之间关系的最困难的部分
07:36
is our fear恐惧 that we're not worthy值得 of connection连接,
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是我们对于自己不值得享有这种关系的恐惧,
07:39
was something that, personally亲自 and professionally专业,
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无论从个人,还是职业上
07:41
I felt like I needed需要 to understand理解 better.
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我都觉得我有必要去更深入地了解它。
07:44
So what I did
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所以接下来
07:47
is I took all of the interviews面试
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我找出所有的采访记录
07:49
where I saw worthiness老有所为, where I saw people living活的 that way,
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找出那些体现自我价值的,那些持有这种观念的记录,
07:52
and just looked看着 at those.
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集中研究它们。
07:55
What do these people have in common共同?
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这群人有什么共同之处?
07:57
I have a slight轻微 office办公室 supply供应 addiction,
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我对办公用品有点痴迷,
07:59
but that's another另一个 talk.
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但这是另一个话题了。
08:02
So I had a manila马尼拉 folder, and I had a Sharpie记号笔,
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我有一个牛皮纸文件夹,还有一个三福极好笔,
08:05
and I was like, what am I going to call this research研究?
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我心想,我该怎么给这项研究命名呢?
08:07
And the first words that came来了 to my mind心神
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第一个蹦入我脑子的是
08:09
were whole-hearted衷心.
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全心全意这个词。
08:11
These are whole-hearted衷心 people, living活的 from this deep sense of worthiness老有所为.
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这是一群全心全意,靠着一种强烈的自我价值感在生活的人们。
08:14
So I wrote at the top最佳 of the manila马尼拉 folder,
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所以我在牛皮纸夹的上端这样写道,
08:17
and I started开始 looking at the data数据.
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而后我开始查看数据。
08:19
In fact事实, I did it first
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事实上,我开始是
08:21
in a four-day为期四天
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用四天时间
08:23
very intensive集约 data数据 analysis分析,
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集中分析数据,
08:26
where I went back, pulled these interviews面试, pulled the stories故事, pulled the incidents事故.
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我从头找出那些采访,找出其中的故事和事件。
08:29
What's the theme主题? What's the pattern模式?
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主题是什么?有什么规律?
08:32
My husband丈夫 left town with the kids孩子
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我丈夫带着孩子离开了小镇,
08:35
because I always go into this Jackson杰克逊 Pollock波洛克 crazy thing,
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因为我老是陷入像杰克逊.波洛克(美国近代抽象派画家)似的疯狂状态,
08:38
where I'm just like writing写作
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我一直在写,
08:40
and in my researcher研究员 mode模式.
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完全沉浸在研究的状态中。
08:43
And so here's这里的 what I found发现.
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下面是我的发现。
08:47
What they had in common共同
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这些人的共同之处在于
08:49
was a sense of courage勇气.
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勇气。
08:51
And I want to separate分离 courage勇气 and bravery for you for a minute分钟.
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我想在这里先花一分钟跟大家区分一下勇气和胆量。
08:54
Courage勇气, the original原版的 definition定义 of courage勇气,
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勇气,最初的定义,
08:56
when it first came来了 into the English英语 language语言 --
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当它刚出现在英文里的时候 --
08:58
it's from the Latin拉丁 word corCOR, meaning含义 heart --
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是从拉丁文cor,意为心,演变过来的 --
09:01
and the original原版的 definition定义
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最初的定义是
09:03
was to tell the story故事 of who you are with your whole整个 heart.
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真心地叙述一个故事,告诉大家你是谁的。
09:06
And so these folks乡亲
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所以这些人
09:08
had, very simply只是, the courage勇气
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就具有勇气
09:10
to be imperfect不完善.
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承认自己不完美。
09:13
They had the compassion同情
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他们具有同情心,
09:15
to be kind to themselves他们自己 first and then to others其他,
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先是对自己的,再是对他人的,
09:18
because, as it turns out, we can't practice实践 compassion同情 with other people
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因为,事实是,我们如果不能善待自己,
09:21
if we can't treat对待 ourselves我们自己 kindly和蔼.
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我们也无法善待他人。
09:24
And the last was they had connection连接,
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最后一点,他们都能和他人建立关系,
09:26
and -- this was the hard part部分 --
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-- 这是很难做到的--
09:28
as a result结果 of authenticity真伪,
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前提是他们必须坦诚,
09:31
they were willing愿意 to let go of who they thought they should be
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他们愿意放开自己设定的那个理想的自我
09:34
in order订购 to be who they were,
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以换取真正的自我,
09:36
which哪一个 you have to absolutely绝对 do that
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这是赢得关系的
09:39
for connection连接.
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必要条件。
09:43
The other thing that they had in common共同
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他们还有另外一个共同之处
09:45
was this:
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那就是,
09:50
They fully充分 embraced拥抱 vulnerability漏洞.
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他们全然接受脆弱。
09:55
They believed相信
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他们相信
09:58
that what made制作 them vulnerable弱势
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让他们变得脆弱的东西
10:01
made制作 them beautiful美丽.
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也让他们变得美丽。
10:05
They didn't talk about vulnerability漏洞
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他们不认为脆弱
10:07
being存在 comfortable自在,
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是寻求舒适,
10:09
nor也不 did they really talk about it being存在 excruciating痛苦 --
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也不认为脆弱是钻心的疼痛 --
10:12
as I had heard听说 it earlier in the shame耻辱 interviewing面试.
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正如我之前在关于耻辱的采访中听到的。
10:14
They just talked about it being存在 necessary必要.
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他们只是简单地认为脆弱是必须的。
10:18
They talked about the willingness愿意
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他们会谈到愿意
10:20
to say, "I love you" first,
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说出"我爱你",
10:23
the willingness愿意
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愿意
10:26
to do something
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做些
10:28
where there are no guarantees担保,
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没有的事情,
10:31
the willingness愿意
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愿意
10:33
to breathe呼吸 through通过 waiting等候 for the doctor医生 to call
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等待医生的电话,
10:35
after your mammogram乳房X光检查.
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在做完乳房X光检查之后。
10:38
They're willing愿意 to invest投资 in a relationship关系
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他们愿意为情感投资,
10:41
that may可能 or may可能 not work out.
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无论有没有结果。
10:44
They thought this was fundamental基本的.
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他们觉得这些都是最根本的。
10:47
I personally亲自 thought it was betrayal辜负.
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我当时认为那是背叛。
10:50
I could not believe I had pledged承诺 allegiance忠诚
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我无法相信
10:53
to research研究, where our job工作 --
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我尽然对科研宣誓效忠 --
10:55
you know, the definition定义 of research研究
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研究的定义是
10:57
is to control控制 and predict预测, to study研究 phenomena现象,
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控制(变量)然后预测,去研究现象,
11:00
for the explicit明确的 reason原因
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为了一个明确的目标,
11:02
to control控制 and predict预测.
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去控制并预测。
11:04
And now my mission任务
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而我现在的使命
11:06
to control控制 and predict预测
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即控制并预测
11:08
had turned转身 up the answer回答 that the way to live生活 is with vulnerability漏洞
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却给出了这样一个结果:要想与脆弱共存
11:11
and to stop controlling控制 and predicting预测.
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就得停止控制,停止预测
11:14
This led to a little breakdown分解 --
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于是我崩溃了 --
11:17
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
11:21
-- which哪一个 actually其实 looked看着 more like this.
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-- 其实更像是这样。
11:24
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
11:26
And it did.
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它确实是。
11:28
I call it a breakdown分解; my therapist治疗师 calls电话 it a spiritual精神 awakening唤醒.
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我称它为崩溃,我的心理医生称它为灵魂的觉醒。
11:32
A spiritual精神 awakening唤醒 sounds声音 better than breakdown分解,
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灵魂的觉醒当然比精神崩溃要好听很多,
11:34
but I assure保证 you it was a breakdown分解.
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但我跟你说那的确是精神崩溃。
11:36
And I had to put my data数据 away and go find a therapist治疗师.
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然后我不得不暂且把数据放一边,去求助心理医生。
11:38
Let me tell you something: you know who you are
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让我告诉你:你知道你是谁
11:41
when you call your friends朋友 and say, "I think I need to see somebody.
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当你打电话跟你朋友说:“我觉得我需要跟人谈谈。
11:44
Do you have any recommendations建议?"
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你有什么好的建议吗?“
11:47
Because about five of my friends朋友 were like,
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因为我大约有五个朋友这么回答:
11:49
"Wooo的Wooo. I wouldn't不会 want to be your therapist治疗师."
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”喔。我可不想当你的心理医生。“
11:51
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
11:54
I was like, "What does that mean?"
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我说:”这是什么意思?“
11:56
And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.
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他们说:”我只是想说,
11:59
Don't bring带来 your measuring测量 stick."
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别带上你的标尺来见我。“
12:01
I was like, "Okay."
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我说:”行。“
12:06
So I found发现 a therapist治疗师.
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就这样我找到了一个心理医生。
12:08
My first meeting会议 with her, Diana戴安娜 --
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我跟她,戴安娜,的第一次见面 --
12:11
I brought in my list名单
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我带去了一份表单
12:13
of the way the whole-hearted衷心 live生活, and I satSAT down.
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上面都是那些全身心投入生活的人的生活方式,然后我坐下了。
12:16
And she said, "How are you?"
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她说:”你好吗?“
12:18
And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
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我说:”我很好。还不赖。“
12:21
She said, "What's going on?"
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她说:”发生了什么事?“
12:23
And this is a therapist治疗师 who sees看到 therapists治疗师,
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这是一个治疗心理医生的心理医生,
12:26
because we have to go to those,
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我们不得不去看这些心理医生,
12:28
because their B.S. meters are good.
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因为他们的废话测量仪很准(知道你什么时候在说真心话)。
12:31
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
12:33
And so I said,
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所以我说:
12:35
"Here's这里的 the thing, I'm struggling奋斗的."
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“事情是这样的。我很纠结。”
12:37
And she said, "What's the struggle斗争?"
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她说:“你纠结什么?”
12:39
And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability漏洞 issue问题.
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我说:”嗯,我跟脆弱过不去。
12:42
And I know that vulnerability漏洞 is the core核心
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而且我知道脆弱是
12:45
of shame耻辱 and fear恐惧
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耻辱和恐惧的根源
12:47
and our struggle斗争 for worthiness老有所为,
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是我们为自我价值而挣扎的根源,
12:49
but it appears出现 that it's also the birthplace出生地
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但它同时又是
12:52
of joy喜悦, of creativity创造力,
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欢乐,创造性,
12:55
of belonging属于, of love.
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归属感,爱的源泉。
12:57
And I think I have a problem问题,
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所以我觉得我有问题,
12:59
and I need some help."
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我需要帮助。“
13:02
And I said, "But here's这里的 the thing:
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我补充道:”但是,
13:04
no family家庭 stuff东东,
305
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这跟家庭无关,
13:06
no childhood童年 shit拉屎."
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跟童年无关。“
13:08
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
13:10
"I just need some strategies策略."
308
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“我只需要一些策略。”
13:13
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
13:17
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
13:20
Thank you.
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谢谢。
13:24
So she goes like this.
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戴安娜的反应是这样的。
13:27
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
13:29
And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
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我接着说:“这很糟糕,对么?”
13:32
And she said, "It's neither也不 good nor也不 bad."
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她说:“这不算好,也不算坏。”
13:35
(Laughter笑声)
316
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(笑声)
13:37
"It just is what it is."
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“它本身就是这样。”
13:39
And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck吮吸."
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我说:“哦,我的天,要悲剧了。”
13:42
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
13:45
And it did, and it didn't.
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(悲剧)果然发生了,但又没有发生。
13:47
And it took about a year.
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大概有一年的时间。
13:50
And you know how there are people
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你知道的,有些人
13:52
that, when they realize实现 that vulnerability漏洞 and tenderness压痛 are important重要,
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当他们发现脆弱和温柔很重要的时候,
13:55
that they surrender投降 and walk步行 into it.
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他们放下所有戒备,欣然接受。
13:58
A: that's not me,
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(我要声明)一,这不是我,
14:00
and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
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二,我朋友里面也没有这样的人。
14:03
(Laughter笑声)
327
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(笑声)
14:06
For me, it was a yearlong长年的 street fight斗争.
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对我来说,那是长达一年的斗争。
14:09
It was a slugfest激烈殴斗.
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是场激烈的混战。
14:11
Vulnerability漏洞 pushed, I pushed back.
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脆弱打我一拳,我又还击它一拳。
14:13
I lost丢失 the fight斗争,
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最后我输了,
14:16
but probably大概 won韩元 my life back.
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但我或许赢回了我的生活。
14:18
And so then I went back into the research研究
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然后我再度投入到了我的研究中,
14:20
and spent花费 the next下一个 couple一对 of years年份
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又花了几年时间
14:22
really trying to understand理解 what they, the whole-hearted衷心,
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真正试图去理解那些全身心投入生活的人,
14:25
what choices选择 they were making制造,
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他们做了怎样的决定,
14:27
and what are we doing
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他们是如何应对
14:29
with vulnerability漏洞.
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脆弱的。
14:31
Why do we struggle斗争 with it so much?
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为什么我们为之痛苦挣扎?
14:33
Am I alone单独 in struggling奋斗的 with vulnerability漏洞?
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我是独自在跟脆弱斗争吗?
14:36
No.
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不是。
14:38
So this is what I learned学到了.
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这是我学到的:
14:41
We numb麻木 vulnerability漏洞 --
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我们麻痹脆弱 --
14:44
when we're waiting等候 for the call.
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(例如)当我们等待(医生)电话的时候。
14:46
It was funny滑稽, I sent发送 something out on Twitter推特 and on FacebookFacebook的
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好笑的是,我在Twitter微博和Facebook上发布了一条状态,
14:48
that says, "How would you define确定 vulnerability漏洞?
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“你怎样定义脆弱?
14:50
What makes品牌 you feel vulnerable弱势?"
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什么会让你感到脆弱?“
14:52
And within an hour小时 and a half, I had 150 responses回复.
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在1个半小时内,我收到了150条回复。
14:55
Because I wanted to know
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因为我想知道
14:57
what's out there.
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大家都是怎么想的。
15:00
Having to ask my husband丈夫 for help
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(回复中有)不得不请求丈夫帮忙,
15:02
because I'm sick生病, and we're newly married已婚;
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因为我病了,而且我们刚结婚;
15:05
initiating启动 sex性别 with my husband丈夫;
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跟丈夫提出要做爱;
15:08
initiating启动 sex性别 with my wife妻子;
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跟妻子提出要做爱;
15:10
being存在 turned转身 down; asking someone有人 out;
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被拒绝;约某人出来;
15:13
waiting等候 for the doctor医生 to call back;
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等待医生的答复;
15:15
getting得到 laid铺设 off; laying铺设 off people --
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被裁员;裁掉别人--
15:18
this is the world世界 we live生活 in.
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这就是我们生活的世界。
15:20
We live生活 in a vulnerable弱势 world世界.
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我们活在一个脆弱的世界里。
15:23
And one of the ways方法 we deal合同 with it
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我们应对的方法之一
15:25
is we numb麻木 vulnerability漏洞.
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是麻痹脆弱。
15:27
And I think there's evidence证据 --
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我觉得这不是没有依据 --
15:29
and it's not the only reason原因 this evidence证据 exists存在,
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这也不是依据存在的唯一理由,
15:31
but I think it's a huge巨大 cause原因 --
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我认为我们当代问题的一大部分都可以归咎于它 --
15:33
we are the most in-debt责成,
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在美国历史上,我们是欠债最多,
15:37
obese肥胖,
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肥胖,
15:40
addicted上瘾 and medicated
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毒瘾、用药最为严重
15:43
adult成人 cohort队列 in U.S. history历史.
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的一代。
15:48
The problem问题 is -- and I learned学到了 this from the research研究 --
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问题是 -- 我从研究中认识到 --
15:51
that you cannot不能 selectively选择 numb麻木 emotion情感.
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你无法选择性地麻痹感情。
15:55
You can't say, here's这里的 the bad stuff东东.
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你不能说,这些是不好的。
15:58
Here's这里的 vulnerability漏洞, here's这里的 grief哀思, here's这里的 shame耻辱,
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这是脆弱,这是悲哀,这是耻辱,
16:00
here's这里的 fear恐惧, here's这里的 disappointment失望.
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这是恐惧,这是失望,
16:02
I don't want to feel these.
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我不想要这些情感。
16:04
I'm going to have a couple一对 of beers啤酒 and a banana香蕉 nut坚果 muffin松饼.
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我要去喝几瓶啤酒,吃个香蕉坚果松饼。
16:07
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
16:09
I don't want to feel these.
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我不想要这些情感。
16:11
And I know that's knowing会心 laughter笑声.
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我知道台下传来的是会意的笑声。
16:13
I hack into your lives生活 for a living活的.
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别忘了,我是靠“入侵”你们的生活过日子的。
16:16
God.
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天哪。
16:18
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
16:20
You can't numb麻木 those hard feelings情怀
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你无法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感
16:23
without numbing麻木 the other affects影响, our emotions情绪.
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而不麻痹所有的感官,所有的情感。
16:25
You cannot不能 selectively选择 numb麻木.
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你无法有选择性地去麻痹。
16:27
So when we numb麻木 those,
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当我们麻痹那些(消极的情感),
16:30
we numb麻木 joy喜悦,
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我们也麻痹了欢乐,
16:32
we numb麻木 gratitude感谢,
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麻痹了感恩,
16:34
we numb麻木 happiness幸福.
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麻痹了幸福。
16:36
And then we are miserable,
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然后我们会变得痛不欲生,
16:39
and we are looking for purpose目的 and meaning含义,
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我们继而寻找生命的意义,
16:41
and then we feel vulnerable弱势,
391
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然后我们感到脆弱,
16:43
so then we have a couple一对 of beers啤酒 and a banana香蕉 nut坚果 muffin松饼.
392
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然后我们喝几瓶啤酒,吃个香蕉坚果松饼。
16:46
And it becomes this dangerous危险 cycle周期.
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危险的循环就这样这形成了。
16:51
One of the things that I think we need to think about
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我们需要思考的一件事是
16:54
is why and how we numb麻木.
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我们是为什么,怎么样麻痹自己的。
16:56
And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
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这不一定是指吸毒。
16:59
The other thing we do
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我们麻痹自己的另一个方式是
17:01
is we make everything that's uncertain不确定 certain某些.
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把不确定的事变得确定。
17:05
Religion宗教 has gone走了 from a belief信仰 in faith信仰 and mystery神秘
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宗教已经从一种信仰、一种对不可知的相信
17:08
to certainty肯定.
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变成了确定。
17:10
I'm right, you're wrong错误. Shut关闭 up.
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我是对的,你是错的。闭嘴。
17:13
That's it.
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就是这样。
17:15
Just certain某些.
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只要是确定的就是好的。
17:17
The more afraid害怕 we are, the more vulnerable弱势 we are,
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我们越是害怕,我们就越脆弱,
17:19
the more afraid害怕 we are.
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然后我们变得愈加害怕。
17:21
This is what politics政治 looks容貌 like today今天.
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这件就是当今政治的现状。
17:23
There's no discourse演讲 anymore.
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探讨已经不复存在。
17:25
There's no conversation会话.
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对话已经荡然无存。
17:27
There's just blame.
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有的仅仅是指责。
17:29
You know how blame is described描述 in the research研究?
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你知道研究领域是如何描述指责的吗?
17:32
A way to discharge卸货 pain疼痛 and discomfort不舒服.
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一种发泄痛苦与不快的方式。
17:36
We perfect完善.
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我们追求完美。
17:38
If there's anyone任何人 who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,
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如果有人想这样塑造他的生活,那个人就是我,
17:41
but it doesn't work.
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但这行不通。
17:43
Because what we do is we take fat脂肪 from our butts烟头
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因为我们做的只是把屁股上的赘肉
17:45
and put it in our cheeks脸颊.
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挪到我们的脸上。
17:47
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
17:50
Which哪一个 just, I hope希望 in 100 years年份,
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这真是,我希望一百年以后,
17:52
people will look back and go, "Wow."
419
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当人们回过头来会不禁感叹:”哇!“
17:54
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
17:56
And we perfect完善, most dangerously危险,
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我们想要,这是最危险的,
17:58
our children孩子.
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我们的孩子变得完美。
18:00
Let me tell you what we think about children孩子.
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让我告诉你我们是如何看待孩子的。
18:02
They're hardwired硬线 for struggle斗争 when they get here.
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从他们出生的那刻起,他们就注定要挣扎。
18:05
And when you hold保持 those perfect完善 little babies婴儿 in your hand,
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当你把这些完美的宝宝抱在怀里的时候,
18:08
our job工作 is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect完善.
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我们的任务不是说:”看看她,她完美的无可挑剔。“
18:10
My job工作 is just to keep her perfect完善 --
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而是确保她保持完美 --
18:12
make sure she makes品牌 the tennis网球 team球队 by fifth第五 grade年级 and Yale耶鲁 by seventh第七 grade年级."
428
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保证她五年级的时候可以进网球队,七年级的时候稳进耶鲁。
18:15
That's not our job工作.
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那不是我们的任务。
18:17
Our job工作 is to look and say,
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我们的任务是注视着她,对她说,
18:19
"You know what? You're imperfect不完善, and you're wired有线 for struggle斗争,
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“你知道吗?你并不完美,你注定要奋斗,
18:22
but you are worthy值得 of love and belonging属于."
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但你值得被爱,值得享有归属感。”
18:24
That's our job工作.
433
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这才是我们的职责。
18:26
Show显示 me a generation of kids孩子 raised上调 like that,
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给我看用这种方式培养出来的一代孩子,
18:28
and we'll end结束 the problems问题 I think that we see today今天.
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我保证我们今天有的问题会得到解决。
18:31
We pretend假装 that what we do
436
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我们假装我们的行为
18:35
doesn't have an effect影响 on people.
437
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不会影响他人。
18:38
We do that in our personal个人 lives生活.
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不仅在我们个人生活中我们这么做,
18:40
We do that corporate企业 --
439
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在工作中也一样 --
18:42
whether是否 it's a bailout救助, an oil spill,
440
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无论是紧急救助,石油泄漏,
18:44
a recall召回 --
441
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还是产品召回 --
18:46
we pretend假装 like what we're doing
442
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我们假装我们做的事
18:48
doesn't have a huge巨大 impact碰撞 on other people.
443
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对他人不会造成什么大影响。
18:51
I would say to companies公司, this is not our first rodeo圈地, people.
444
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我想对这些公司说:嘿,这不是我们第一次牛仔竞技。
18:55
We just need you to be authentic真实 and real真实
445
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我们只要你坦诚地,真心地
18:57
and say, "We're sorry.
446
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说一句:"对不起,
18:59
We'll fix固定 it."
447
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我们会处理这个问题。“
19:05
But there's another另一个 way, and I'll leave离开 you with this.
448
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但还有一种方法,我把它留给你们。
19:07
This is what I have found发现:
449
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这是我的心得:
19:09
to let ourselves我们自己 be seen看到,
450
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卸下我们的面具,让我们被看见,
19:11
deeply seen看到,
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深入地被看见,
19:13
vulnerablyvulnerably seen看到;
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即便是脆弱的一面;
19:16
to love with our whole整个 hearts心中,
453
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全心全意地去爱,
19:18
even though虽然 there's no guarantee保证 --
454
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尽管没有任何担保 --
19:20
and that's really hard,
455
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这是最困难的,
19:22
and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly难以忍受 difficult --
456
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我也可以告诉你,作为一名家长,这个非常非常困难 --
19:27
to practice实践 gratitude感谢 and joy喜悦
457
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带着一颗感恩的心,保持快乐
19:30
in those moments瞬间 of terror恐怖,
458
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哪怕是在最恐惧的时候
19:32
when we're wondering想知道, "Can I love you this much?
459
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哪怕我们怀疑:”我能不能爱得这么深?
19:34
Can I believe in this this passionately热情?
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我能不能如此热情地相信这份感情?
19:36
Can I be this fierce激烈 about this?"
461
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我能不能如此矢志不渝?“
19:39
just to be able能够 to stop and, instead代替 of catastrophizing大祸临头 what might威力 happen发生,
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在消极的时候能打住,而不是一味地幻想事情会如何变得更糟,
19:41
to say, "I'm just so grateful感激,
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对自己说:”我已经很感恩了,
19:44
because to feel this vulnerable弱势 means手段 I'm alive."
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因为能感受到这种脆弱,这意味着我还活着。“
19:48
And the last, which哪一个 I think is probably大概 the most important重要,
465
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最后,还有最重要的一点,
19:51
is to believe that we're enough足够.
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那就是相信我们已经做得够好了。
19:54
Because when we work from a place地点,
467
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因为我相信当我们在一个
19:56
I believe, that says, "I'm enough足够,"
468
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让人觉得“我已经足够了”的环境中打拼的时候
20:00
then we stop screaming尖叫 and start开始 listening,
469
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我们会停止抱怨,开始倾听,
20:04
we're kinder金德 and gentler温和 to the people around us,
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我们会对周围的人会更友善,更温和,
20:06
and we're kinder金德 and gentler温和 to ourselves我们自己.
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对自己也会更友善,更温和。
20:09
That's all I have. Thank you.
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这就是我演讲的全部内容。谢谢大家。
20:11
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
Translated by Bowen Yang
Reviewed by Xu (Jessica) Jiang

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.

Why you should listen

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

Read the TED Blog's Q&A with Brené Brown >>

More profile about the speaker
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com