TEDxHouston
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Brene Brown: Moć ranjivosti
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Brene Brown proučava ljudsku povezanost - našu sposobnost empatije, pripadanja, ljubavi. U zabavnom govoru na TEDxHoustonu, dijeli dubok uvid iz njezinog istraživanja, koji ju je poslao na osobni put upoznavanja sebe i razumijevanja čovječanstva. Govor za podijeliti.
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
So, I'll start with this:
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Dakle, počet ću sa ovim:
00:17
a couple years ago, an event planner called me
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prije par godina, organizatorica evenata me nazvala
00:19
because I was going to do a speaking event.
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jer sam morala održati govor na jednom događaju.
00:21
And she called, and she said,
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I nazvala je, i rekla,
00:23
"I'm really struggling with how
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"Doista se borim kako
00:25
to write about you on the little flyer."
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da pišem o vama na mali letak."
00:27
And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"
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I pomislila sam, "Dobro, gdje je zapelo?"
00:29
And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,
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I rekla je, "Pa, vidjela sam vas kako pričate,
00:31
and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,
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i nazvat ću vas istraživačicom, mislim,
00:34
but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,
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ali bojim se da ako vas nazovem istraživačicom, nitko neće doći,
00:36
because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."
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jer će misliti kako ste dosadni i nevažni."
00:38
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:40
And I was like, "Okay."
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U redu.
00:42
And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk
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I rekla je, "Ali ono što mi se sviđalo kod vašeg govora,
00:44
is you're a storyteller.
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je da ste vi pripovjedačica.
00:46
So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."
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Stoga mislim da ću vas nazvati pripovjedačicom."
00:49
And of course, the academic, insecure part of me
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I naravno, akademski, nesigurni dio mene
00:52
was like, "You're going to call me a what?"
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je bio, "Nazvat ćete me kako?"
00:54
And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."
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I rekla je, "Nazvat ću vas pripovjedačicom."
00:57
And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"
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A ja sam bila kao, "Zašto ne magična mala žena?"
01:00
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:03
I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."
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Rekla sam, "Dopustite mi da razmislim o tome na sekundu."
01:06
I tried to call deep on my courage.
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Probala sam se pozvati na svoju hrabrost.
01:09
And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.
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I pomislila sam, ja sam pripovjedačica.
01:12
I'm a qualitative researcher.
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Ja sam kvalitativna istraživačica.
01:14
I collect stories; that's what I do.
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Sakupljam priče; to je ono što radim.
01:16
And maybe stories are just data with a soul.
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A možda su priče samo podaci sa dušom.
01:19
And maybe I'm just a storyteller.
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I možda sam samo pripovjedačica.
01:21
And so I said, "You know what?
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I tako sam rekla, "Znate što?
01:23
Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."
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Zašto jednostavno ne kažete da sam istraživačica - pripovjedačica."
01:26
And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."
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A ona je zatim išla, "Haha. Ne postoji takvo nešto."
01:29
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:31
So I'm a researcher-storyteller,
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Dakle, ja sam istraživačica - pripovjedačica,
01:33
and I'm going to talk to you today --
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i pričat ću vam danas -
01:35
we're talking about expanding perception --
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pričamo o proširenju percepcije -
01:37
and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories
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i stoga sam vam željela ispričati nekoliko priča
01:39
about a piece of my research
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o dijelu mog istraživanja
01:42
that fundamentally expanded my perception
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koji je fundamentalno proširio moju percepciju
01:45
and really actually changed the way that I live and love
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i doista promijenio način na koji živim i volim
01:48
and work and parent.
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i radim i obnašam ulogu roditelja.
01:50
And this is where my story starts.
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A ovdje moja priča počinje.
01:52
When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,
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Kada sam bila mladi istraživač, student doktorskog studija,
01:55
my first year I had a research professor
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prve godine sam imala profesora istraživača
01:57
who said to us,
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koji nam je rekao,
01:59
"Here's the thing,
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"Evo o čemu se radi,
02:01
if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."
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ako ne možete izmjeriti, onda to ne postoji."
02:04
And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.
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I pomislila sam kako je samo slatkorječiv prema meni.
02:07
I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."
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A ja sam rekla, "Doista?" a on je rekao, "Apsolutno."
02:10
And so you have to understand
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I stoga morate razumijeti
02:12
that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work,
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kako sam ja diplomirala iz područja socijalnog rada, magistrirala iz područja socijalnog rada,
02:14
and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,
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i stjecala sam svoj doktorat iz područja socijalnog rada,
02:16
so my entire academic career
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i tako sam kroz cijelu svoju akademsku karijeru
02:18
was surrounded by people
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bila okružena ljudima
02:20
who kind of believed
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koji su, na neki način, vjerovali
02:22
in the "life's messy, love it."
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da je život neuredan, i voli ga.
02:25
And I'm more of the, "life's messy,
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A ja sam više, život je neuredan,
02:27
clean it up, organize it
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počisti ga, organiziraj ga
02:30
and put it into a bento box."
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i stavi ga u kutiju za ručak.
02:32
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:34
And so to think that I had found my way,
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I stoga, pomisliti da sam pronašla svoj put,
02:37
to found a career that takes me --
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da sam pronašla karijeru koja me obuzima -
02:40
really, one of the big sayings in social work
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doista, jedna od velikih izreka u socijalnom radu
02:43
is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."
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jest da se osloniš na neugodnost posla.
02:46
And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head
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A ja sam više za nokautiranje neugodnosti,
02:49
and move it over and get all A's.
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pomicanje istog i dobivanje svih petica.
02:51
That was my mantra.
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To je bila moja mantra.
02:54
So I was very excited about this.
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Stoga sam bila veoma uzbuđena oko toga.
02:56
And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,
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I stoga sam pomislila, znate što, ovo je karijera za mene,
02:59
because I am interested in some messy topics.
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jer me zanimaju neke neuredne teme.
03:02
But I want to be able to make them not messy.
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Ali želim biti u mogućnosti učiniti ih urednima.
03:04
I want to understand them.
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Želim ih razumijeti.
03:06
I want to hack into these things
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Želim hakirati te stvari
03:08
I know are important
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za koje znam da su važne
03:10
and lay the code out for everyone to see.
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i iznijeti šifru da je svi vide.
03:12
So where I started was with connection.
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Stoga sam započela sa vezom.
03:15
Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,
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Jer, kada ste socijalni radnik već 10 godina,
03:18
what you realize
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ono što shvatite
03:20
is that connection is why we're here.
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jest da smo zbog povezanosti ovdje.
03:23
It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
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To je ono što daje smisao i značenje našim životima.
03:26
This is what it's all about.
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To je bit svega.
03:28
It doesn't matter whether you talk to people
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Nema veze razgovarate li sa ljudima
03:30
who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect,
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koji rade u socijalnoj pravdi i mentalnom zdravlju i zlostavljanju u zapostavljanju,
03:33
what we know is that connection,
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ono što znamo je da je povezanost,
03:35
the ability to feel connected, is --
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mogućnost osjećati se povezanim, je -
03:38
neurobiologically that's how we're wired --
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na neurobiološkoj razini onako kako smo umreženi -
03:41
it's why we're here.
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to je razlog zašto smo ovdje.
03:43
So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.
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Stoga sam pomislila, znate što, počet ću sa vezom.
03:46
Well, you know that situation
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Znate onu situaciju
03:49
where you get an evaluation from your boss,
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kada dobijete evaluaciju od svoje šefice,
03:51
and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,
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a ona vam kaže 37 stvari koje radite izvanredno,
03:54
and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"
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i jednu stvar - priliku za rast?
03:56
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:58
And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?
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I sve o čemu možete razmišljati je ta prilika za rast, točno.
04:02
Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,
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Takav je očito bio i moj posao,
04:05
because, when you ask people about love,
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jer kada pitate ljude o ljubavi,
04:08
they tell you about heartbreak.
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oni vam pričaju o slomljenom srcu.
04:10
When you ask people about belonging,
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Kada pitate ljude o pripadnosti,
04:12
they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences
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oni vam pričaju o svojim najbolnijim iskustvima
04:15
of being excluded.
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isključenja.
04:17
And when you ask people about connection,
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A kada pitate ljude o povezanosti,
04:19
the stories they told me were about disconnection.
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priče koje su mi ispričali su bile o izopćenosti.
04:22
So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --
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Dakle, veoma brzo - doista oko šest tjedana nakon početka istraživanja -
04:25
I ran into this unnamed thing
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naletjela sam na tu neimenovanu stvar
04:28
that absolutely unraveled connection
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koja je potpuno rasplela povezanost
04:31
in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.
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na način koji nisam razumijela ili vidjela ikad prije.
04:34
And so I pulled back out of the research
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I stoga sam se povukla iz istraživanja
04:36
and thought, I need to figure out what this is.
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i pomislila, moramo dokučiti što je to.
04:39
And it turned out to be shame.
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I ispostavilo se da je to sram.
04:42
And shame is really easily understood
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A sram je doista lako shvatiti
04:44
as the fear of disconnection:
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kao strah od izopćenosti.
04:46
Is there something about me
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Ima li nešto o meni
04:48
that, if other people know it or see it,
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što, ako drugi ljudi znaju ili vide to,
04:51
that I won't be worthy of connection?
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da neću biti dostojna povezanosti.
04:54
The things I can tell you about it:
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Stvari o kojima vam mogu pričati:
04:56
it's universal; we all have it.
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to je univerzalno; svi to imamo.
04:58
The only people who don't experience shame
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Jedini ljudi koji ne doživljavaju sram
05:00
have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
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su oni koji nemaju sposobnost ljudske empatije ili povezanosti.
05:02
No one wants to talk about it,
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Nitko ne želi pričati o tome,
05:04
and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
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a što manje pričate o tome, više toga imate.
05:09
What underpinned this shame,
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Ono što je poduprlo taj sram,
05:11
this "I'm not good enough," --
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taj "Nisam dovoljno dobra," -
05:13
which we all know that feeling:
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svi mi dobro znamo taj osjećaj:
05:15
"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,
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"Nisam dovoljno bijela. Nisam dovoljno mršava,
05:17
rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,
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dovoljno bogata, dovoljno lijepa, dovoljno pametna,
05:19
promoted enough."
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dovoljno promovirana."
05:21
The thing that underpinned this
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Ono što je poduprlo to
05:23
was excruciating vulnerability,
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je bila bolna ranjivost,
05:26
this idea of,
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ideja o tome da,
05:28
in order for connection to happen,
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za povezanost da se dogodi,
05:30
we have to allow ourselves to be seen,
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moramo dozvoliti sebi da budemo viđeni,
05:33
really seen.
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doista viđeni.
05:35
And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.
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A znate koje je moje mišljenje o ranjivosti. Mrzim ranjivost.
05:38
And so I thought, this is my chance
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I stoga sam pomislila, ovo je moja prilika
05:40
to beat it back with my measuring stick.
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da je izudaram sa svojim štapom za mjerenje.
05:43
I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,
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Odlazim unutra, dokučit ću o čemu se radi,
05:46
I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,
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provest ću jednu godinu, potpuno ću dekonstruirati sram,
05:49
I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,
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shvatiti ću kako ranjivost funkcionira,
05:51
and I'm going to outsmart it.
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i nadmudrit ću je.
05:54
So I was ready, and I was really excited.
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Bila sam spremna, i bila sam doista uzbuđena.
05:59
As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
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Kao što znate, neće ispasti dobro.
06:01
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:04
You know this.
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Znate to.
06:06
So, I could tell you a lot about shame,
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Mogla bih vam reći mnogo toga o sramu,
06:08
but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
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ali onda bih trebala posuditi vrijeme svih ostalih.
06:10
But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --
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Ali evo što vam mogu reći na što se svodi -
06:13
and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned
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a to je možda jedna od najvažnijih stvari koje sam naučila
06:16
in the decade of doing this research.
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kroz desetljeće provođenja istraživanja.
06:19
My one year
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Moja jedna godina
06:21
turned into six years:
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se pretvorila u šest godina,
06:23
thousands of stories,
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tisuće priča,
06:25
hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
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stotine dugačkih intervjua, fokus grupa.
06:28
At one point, people were sending me journal pages
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U jednom trenutku ljudi su mi slali stranice novina
06:30
and sending me their stories --
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i slali su mi svoje priče -
06:33
thousands of pieces of data in six years.
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tisuće komada podataka u šest godina.
06:36
And I kind of got a handle on it.
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I počela sam, na neki način, baratati njima.
06:38
I kind of understood, this is what shame is,
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Razumijela sam, na neki način, što sram je,
06:40
this is how it works.
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ovako on funkcionira.
06:42
I wrote a book,
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Napisala sam knjigu,
06:44
I published a theory,
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objavila sam teoriju,
06:46
but something was not okay --
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ali nešto nije bilo u redu -
06:49
and what it was is that,
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a ono o čemu se radilo je bilo da,
06:51
if I roughly took the people I interviewed
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kad bih otprilike uzela ljude koje sam intervjuirala
06:53
and divided them into people
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i podijelila ih u ljude
06:56
who really have a sense of worthiness --
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koji su doista imali osjećaj vrijednosti -
06:59
that's what this comes down to,
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to je ono na što se ovo svodi,
07:01
a sense of worthiness --
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osjećaj vrijednosti -
07:03
they have a strong sense of love and belonging --
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oni imaju osjećaj ljubavi i pripadanja -
07:06
and folks who struggle for it,
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i ljude koji se bore za to,
07:08
and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
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i ljude koji se uvijek pitaju jesu li dovoljno dobri.
07:10
There was only one variable
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Postojala je samo jedna varijabla
07:12
that separated the people who have
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koja je djelila ljude koji imaju
07:14
a strong sense of love and belonging
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snažan osjećaj ljubavi i pripadanja
07:16
and the people who really struggle for it.
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i ljude koji se zaista bore za to.
07:18
And that was, the people who have
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A to je, da ljudi koji imaju
07:20
a strong sense of love and belonging
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snažan osjećaj ljubavi i pripadanja
07:22
believe they're worthy of love and belonging.
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vjeruju kako su dostojni ljubavi i pripadanja.
07:25
That's it.
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To je to.
07:27
They believe they're worthy.
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Oni vjeruju kako su dostojni.
07:30
And to me, the hard part
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A po meni, težak dio
07:33
of the one thing that keeps us out of connection
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te jedne stvari koja nas drži podalje od povezanosti
07:36
is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,
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je naš strah da nismo dostojni povezanosti,
07:39
was something that, personally and professionally,
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bilo je nešto što sam, osobno i profesionalno,
07:41
I felt like I needed to understand better.
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osjećala da moramo bolje razumijeti.
07:44
So what I did
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Ono što sam učinila
07:47
is I took all of the interviews
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je da sam uzela intervjue
07:49
where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,
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gdje sam vidjela vrijednost, gdje sam vidjela ljude koji žive na taj način,
07:52
and just looked at those.
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i samo sam gledala u njih.
07:55
What do these people have in common?
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Što ti ljudi imaju zajedničko?
07:57
I have a slight office supply addiction,
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Ja imam blagu ovisnost o uredskom priboru,
07:59
but that's another talk.
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ali to je druga priča.
08:02
So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,
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Imala sam manila mapu, i imala sam Sharpie,
08:05
and I was like, what am I going to call this research?
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i mislila sam, kako ću nazvati ovo istraživanje?
08:07
And the first words that came to my mind
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I prva riječ koja mi je pala na pamet
08:09
were whole-hearted.
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bila je svesrdan.
08:11
These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.
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Ovo su svesrdni ljudi, koji žive na dubokom osjećaju vrijednosti.
08:14
So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,
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Napisala sam na vrh manila mape,
08:17
and I started looking at the data.
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i počela sam promatrati podatke.
08:19
In fact, I did it first
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U biti, to sam prvo napravila
08:21
in a four-day
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u četverodnevnoj
08:23
very intensive data analysis,
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veoma intenzivnoj analizi podataka,
08:26
where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.
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gdje sam se vratila unatrag, izvukla te intervjue, izvukla priče, izvukla događaje.
08:29
What's the theme? What's the pattern?
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Koja je tema? Koji je uzorak?
08:32
My husband left town with the kids
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Moj muž je otišao s djecom izvan grada
08:35
because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,
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jer uvijek odem u tu ludu fazu Jackson Pollock-a,
08:38
where I'm just like writing
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gdje samo pišem
08:40
and in my researcher mode.
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i u svom sam istraživačkom modu.
08:43
And so here's what I found.
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I evo što sam pronašla.
08:47
What they had in common
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Ono što su imali zajedničkoga
08:49
was a sense of courage.
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je bio osjećaj hrabrosti.
08:51
And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.
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I želim za vas na minutu odvojiti hrabrost od junaštva.
08:54
Courage, the original definition of courage,
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Hrabrost, izvorna definicija hrabrosti
08:56
when it first came into the English language --
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kada se prvi put pojavila u engleskom jeziku -
08:58
it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --
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dolazi od latinske riječi cor, što znači srce -
09:01
and the original definition
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i originalna definicija
09:03
was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
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je bila ispričati priču o tome tko ste vi sa punim srcem.
09:06
And so these folks
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I stoga su ti ljudi
09:08
had, very simply, the courage
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imali, vrlo jednostavno, hrabrost
09:10
to be imperfect.
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da budu nesavršeni.
09:13
They had the compassion
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Imali su samilost
09:15
to be kind to themselves first and then to others,
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da budu najprije ljubazni prema sebi a zatim i prema drugima,
09:18
because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people
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jer, kao što se i ispostavilo, ne možemo prakticirati samilost sa drugim ljudima
09:21
if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
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ako ne možemo sebe ljubazno tretirati.
09:24
And the last was they had connection,
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I posljednje je bilo da su imali povezanost,
09:26
and -- this was the hard part --
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i - to je bio težak dio -
09:28
as a result of authenticity,
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kao rezultat autentičnosti,
09:31
they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be
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bili su spremni odreći se osobe za koju su mislili da moraju biti
09:34
in order to be who they were,
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kako bi bili ono što jesu,
09:36
which you have to absolutely do that
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što i morate u potpunosti učiniti
09:39
for connection.
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za povezanost.
09:43
The other thing that they had in common
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Druga stvar koja im je bila zajednička
09:45
was this:
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je bila ova.
09:50
They fully embraced vulnerability.
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Oni su u potpunosti prihvatili ranjivost.
09:55
They believed
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Vjerovali su
09:58
that what made them vulnerable
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da ono što ih je činilo ranjivima,
10:01
made them beautiful.
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da ih čini lijepima.
10:05
They didn't talk about vulnerability
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Nisu pričali o ranjivosti
10:07
being comfortable,
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kao da je ugodna,
10:09
nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --
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niti su pričali o njoj kao da je bolna -
10:12
as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.
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kao što sam ranije čula u intervjuima o sramu.
10:14
They just talked about it being necessary.
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Pričali su o njoj kao o potrebi.
10:18
They talked about the willingness
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Pričali su o spremnosti
10:20
to say, "I love you" first,
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da kažu "volim te" prvi,
10:23
the willingness
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spremnosti
10:26
to do something
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da učine nešto
10:28
where there are no guarantees,
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gdje nema jamstva,
10:31
the willingness
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spremnosti
10:33
to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call
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da dišu čekajući poziv doktora
10:35
after your mammogram.
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nakon mamograma.
10:38
They're willing to invest in a relationship
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Spremni su uložiti u vezu
10:41
that may or may not work out.
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koja bi mogla profunkcionirati ili ne.
10:44
They thought this was fundamental.
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Mislili su kako je to fundamentalno.
10:47
I personally thought it was betrayal.
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Osobno sam mislila kako je to izdaja.
10:50
I could not believe I had pledged allegiance
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Ne mogu vjerovati da sam se zavjetovala na vjernost
10:53
to research, where our job --
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istraživanju -
10:55
you know, the definition of research
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definicija istraživanja
10:57
is to control and predict, to study phenomena,
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je kontrolirati i predvidjeti, proučiti fenomen,
11:00
for the explicit reason
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iz izričitog razloga
11:02
to control and predict.
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kontrolirati i predvidjeti.
11:04
And now my mission
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A sada moja misija
11:06
to control and predict
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kontroliranja i predviđanja
11:08
had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability
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je polučila odgovor kako treba živjeti sa ranjivosti
11:11
and to stop controlling and predicting.
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i prestati kontrolirati i predviđati.
11:14
This led to a little breakdown --
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To je vodilo do malenog sloma -
11:17
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:21
-- which actually looked more like this.
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- koji je zapravo izgledao više nalik ovome.
11:24
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:26
And it did.
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I jest.
11:28
I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
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Ja sam to nazvala slomom, moja terapeutkinja naziva to duhovno buđenje.
11:32
A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,
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Duhovno buđenje zvuči bolje nego slom,
11:34
but I assure you it was a breakdown.
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ali uvjeravam vas da je to bio slom.
11:36
And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.
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I morala sam maknuti svoje podatke i pronaći terapeuta.
11:38
Let me tell you something: you know who you are
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Dopustite da vam kažem nešto: znate tko ste
11:41
when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.
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kada nazovete svoje prijatelje i kažete, "Mislim da moram nekoga vidjeti.
11:44
Do you have any recommendations?"
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Imaš li ikakve preporuke?"
11:47
Because about five of my friends were like,
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Jer pet mojih prijatelja su rekli,
11:49
"Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."
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"Wooo. Ne bih htio biti tvoj terapeut."
11:51
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:54
I was like, "What does that mean?"
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A ja sam rekla, "Što to znači?"
11:56
And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.
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A oni su rekli, "Samo kažem, znaš.
11:59
Don't bring your measuring stick."
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Nemoj ponijeti svoj štap za mjerenje."
12:01
I was like, "Okay."
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Ja sam rekla, "U redu."
12:06
So I found a therapist.
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Pronašla sam terapeutkinju.
12:08
My first meeting with her, Diana --
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Moj prvi sastanak sa njom, Diana -
12:11
I brought in my list
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ponijela sam svoj popis
12:13
of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.
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načina na koji svesrdni žive, i sjela sam.
12:16
And she said, "How are you?"
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A ona je rekla, "Kako ste?"
12:18
And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
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Ja sam rekla, "Odlično sam. U redu sam."
12:21
She said, "What's going on?"
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Rekla je, "Što se događa?"
12:23
And this is a therapist who sees therapists,
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A to je terapeutkinja koja odlazi terapeutima,
12:26
because we have to go to those,
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jer moramo ići njima,
12:28
because their B.S. meters are good.
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jer njihovi B.S. metri su dobri.
12:31
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
12:33
And so I said,
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I stoga sam rekla,
12:35
"Here's the thing, I'm struggling."
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"Evo o čemu se radi, borim se."
12:37
And she said, "What's the struggle?"
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A ona je rekla, "Kakva borba?"
12:39
And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.
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A ja sam rekla, "Pa, imam problem s ranjivošću.
12:42
And I know that vulnerability is the core
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I znam da je ranjivost jezgra
12:45
of shame and fear
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srama i straha
12:47
and our struggle for worthiness,
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i naše borbe za vrijednošću,
12:49
but it appears that it's also the birthplace
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ali čini se da je ujedno rodno mjesto
12:52
of joy, of creativity,
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radosti, kreativnosti,
12:55
of belonging, of love.
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pripadnosti, ljubavi.
12:57
And I think I have a problem,
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I mislim da imam problem,
12:59
and I need some help."
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i potrebna mi je pomoć."
13:02
And I said, "But here's the thing:
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I rekla sam, "Ali evo o čemu se radi,
13:04
no family stuff,
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bez obiteljskih stvari,
13:06
no childhood shit."
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bez sranja iz djetinjstva."
13:08
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:10
"I just need some strategies."
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"Potrebne su mi samo neke strategije."
13:13
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:17
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
13:20
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
13:24
So she goes like this.
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Stoga ona počne raditi ovo.
13:27
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:29
And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
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Tada sam rekla, "Loše je, je li?"
13:32
And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
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A ona kaže, "Nije ni dobro, a nije ni loše."
13:35
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:37
"It just is what it is."
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"Jest to što jest."
13:39
And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
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I ja sam rekla, "O moj Bože, ovo će biti užas."
13:42
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:45
And it did, and it didn't.
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I je, i nije.
13:47
And it took about a year.
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I trajalo je oko godine dana.
13:50
And you know how there are people
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I znate kako postoje ljudi
13:52
that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,
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koji, kada shvate da su ranjivost i nježnost važne,
13:55
that they surrender and walk into it.
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predaju se i uđu u njih.
13:58
A: that's not me,
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A: to nisam ja,
14:00
and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
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i B: ja se ni ne družim sa takvim ljudima.
14:03
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
14:06
For me, it was a yearlong street fight.
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za mene, to je bila cjelogodišnja ulična borba.
14:09
It was a slugfest.
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Bilo je to natjecanje u tome tko će jače udariti.
14:11
Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.
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Ranjivost je gurnula, ja sam gurnula natrag.
14:13
I lost the fight,
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Izgubila sam borbu,
14:16
but probably won my life back.
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ali sam vjerojatno povratila svoj život.
14:18
And so then I went back into the research
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I stoga sam se vratila istraživanju
14:20
and spent the next couple of years
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i provela idućih par godina
14:22
really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,
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doista pokušavajuči shvatiti što su oni, svesrdni,
14:25
what choices they were making,
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koji su im bili izbori,
14:27
and what are we doing
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i što mi radimo
14:29
with vulnerability.
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sa ranjivošću.
14:31
Why do we struggle with it so much?
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Zašto se toliko borimo sa njom?
14:33
Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?
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Jesam li sama u borbi protiv ranjivosti?
14:36
No.
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Ne.
14:38
So this is what I learned.
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Ovo je, dakle, ono što sam naučila.
14:41
We numb vulnerability --
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Otupljujemo ranjivost -
14:44
when we're waiting for the call.
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kada očekujemo poziv.
14:46
It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook
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Bilo je smiješno, stavila sam nešto na Twitter i na Facebook,
14:48
that says, "How would you define vulnerability?
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poput, "Kako biste vi definirali ranjivost?
14:50
What makes you feel vulnerable?"
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Što vas čini ranjivima?"
14:52
And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.
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I u roku od sat i pol, imala sam 150 odgovora.
14:55
Because I wanted to know
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Jer sam htjela znati
14:57
what's out there.
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što se nalazi tamo vani.
15:00
Having to ask my husband for help
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Moleći supruga za pomoć,
15:02
because I'm sick, and we're newly married;
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jer sam bolesna, a mi smo novopečeni mladenci;
15:05
initiating sex with my husband;
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iniciranje seksa sa svojim mužem;
15:08
initiating sex with my wife;
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iniciranje seksa sa svojom ženom;
15:10
being turned down; asking someone out;
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biti odbijen; pozvati nekoga van;
15:13
waiting for the doctor to call back;
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očekujući poziv od doktora;
15:15
getting laid off; laying off people --
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dobiti otkaz; otpuštati ljude -
15:18
this is the world we live in.
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to je svijet u kojem živimo.
15:20
We live in a vulnerable world.
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Živimo u ranjivom svijetu.
15:23
And one of the ways we deal with it
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A jedan od načina na koji se nosimo s tim
15:25
is we numb vulnerability.
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je da otupljujemo ranjivost.
15:27
And I think there's evidence --
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I mislim kako postoji dokaz -
15:29
and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,
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i nije jedini razlog što taj dokaz postoji,
15:31
but I think it's a huge cause --
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ali mislim da je ogroman razlog -
15:33
we are the most in-debt,
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mi smo najzaduženija,
15:37
obese,
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najdeblja,
15:40
addicted and medicated
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ovisna i liječena
15:43
adult cohort in U.S. history.
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odrasla kohorta u povijesti SAD-a.
15:48
The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --
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Problem je - i naučila sam to iz istraživanja -
15:51
that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
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da ne možete selektivno zatupiti emocije.
15:55
You can't say, here's the bad stuff.
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Ne možete reći, ovo su loše stvari.
15:58
Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,
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Ovdje je ranjivost, ovdje je tuga, ovdje je sram,
16:00
here's fear, here's disappointment.
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ovdje je strah, ovdje je razočaranje,
16:02
I don't want to feel these.
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ne želim ih osjećati.
16:04
I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
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Popit ću par piva i pojesti muffin od banane i orašastog voća.
16:07
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
16:09
I don't want to feel these.
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Ne želim ih osjećati.
16:11
And I know that's knowing laughter.
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I znam kako je to znalački smijeh.
16:13
I hack into your lives for a living.
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Ja za život hakiram u vaše živote.
16:16
God.
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Bože.
16:18
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
16:20
You can't numb those hard feelings
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Ne možete zatupiti te teške osjećaje
16:23
without numbing the other affects, our emotions.
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bez zatupljivanja utecaja, naših emocija.
16:25
You cannot selectively numb.
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Ne možete selektivno zatupljivati.
16:27
So when we numb those,
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Stoga, kada ih zatupljujemo,
16:30
we numb joy,
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zatupljujemo i radost,
16:32
we numb gratitude,
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zatupljujemo zahvalnost,
16:34
we numb happiness.
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zatupljujemo sreću.
16:36
And then we are miserable,
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A tada smo jadni,
16:39
and we are looking for purpose and meaning,
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i tražimo smisao i značenje,
16:41
and then we feel vulnerable,
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i tada se osjećamo ranjivo,
16:43
so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
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pa onda popijemo par piva i pojedemo muffin od banane i orašastog voća.
16:46
And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
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I pretvara se u taj opasan krug.
16:51
One of the things that I think we need to think about
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Jedna od stvari o kojima, mislim, moramo razmisliti
16:54
is why and how we numb.
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je zašto i kako zatupljujemo.
16:56
And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
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I ne mora samo biti ovisnost.
16:59
The other thing we do
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Druga stvar koju radimo
17:01
is we make everything that's uncertain certain.
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je da pretvaramo sve što je neizvjesno u izvjesno.
17:05
Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery
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Religija je prešla put od vjere u nadu i misterij
17:08
to certainty.
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do izvjesnosti.
17:10
I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.
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Ja sam u pravu, ti si u krivu. Ušuti.
17:13
That's it.
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To je to.
17:15
Just certain.
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Samo izvjesno.
17:17
The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,
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Što se više bojimo, to smo više ranjivi,
17:19
the more afraid we are.
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to se više bojimo.
17:21
This is what politics looks like today.
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Tako izgleda današnja politika.
17:23
There's no discourse anymore.
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Nema više diskursa.
17:25
There's no conversation.
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Nema više razgovora.
17:27
There's just blame.
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Postoji samo optuživanje.
17:29
You know how blame is described in the research?
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Znate kako je optuživanje opisano u istraživanju?
17:32
A way to discharge pain and discomfort.
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Način pražnjenja boli i neugode.
17:36
We perfect.
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Mi usavršavamo.
17:38
If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,
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Ako postoji itko tko želi da im život izgleda poput ovog, onda bi to bila ja,
17:41
but it doesn't work.
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ali to ne funkcionira.
17:43
Because what we do is we take fat from our butts
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Jer ono što radimo je da uzimamo masnoću iz naših stražnjica
17:45
and put it in our cheeks.
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i stavljamo je u naše obraze.
17:47
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
17:50
Which just, I hope in 100 years,
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Na što će, nadam se za sto godina,
17:52
people will look back and go, "Wow."
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ljudi gledati unatrag i reći, "Wow."
17:54
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
17:56
And we perfect, most dangerously,
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I mi usavršavamo, najopasnije,
17:58
our children.
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našu djecu.
18:00
Let me tell you what we think about children.
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Dopustite mi da vam kažem što mislimo o djeci.
18:02
They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.
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Oni su predisponirani za borbu čim se pojave ovdje.
18:05
And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,
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I kada držite te male savršene bebe u vašim rukama,
18:08
our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.
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naš posao nije reći, "Pogledaj je, savršena je.
18:10
My job is just to keep her perfect --
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Moj posao je održati je savršenom -
18:12
make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."
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pobrinuti se da uđe u tenisku ekipu do petog razreda i na Yale do sedmog razreda."
18:15
That's not our job.
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To nije naš posao.
18:17
Our job is to look and say,
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Naš posao je pogledati i reći,
18:19
"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,
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"Znaš što? Ti se nesavršena, i predisponirana si za borbu,
18:22
but you are worthy of love and belonging."
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ali ti si dostojna ljubavi i pripadnosti."
18:24
That's our job.
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To je naš posao.
18:26
Show me a generation of kids raised like that,
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Pokažite mi generaciju djece koja su odgojena na takav način,
18:28
and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.
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i mislim kako ćemo riješiti probleme današnjice.
18:31
We pretend that what we do
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Pretvaramo se da ono što činimo
18:35
doesn't have an effect on people.
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nema utjecaja na ljude.
18:38
We do that in our personal lives.
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Činimo to u našim osobnim životima.
18:40
We do that corporate --
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Radimo te korporativne -
18:42
whether it's a bailout, an oil spill,
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bilo da je izbavljenje, istjecanje nafte,
18:44
a recall --
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povlačenje -
18:46
we pretend like what we're doing
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pretvaramo se da to što radimo
18:48
doesn't have a huge impact on other people.
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nema veliki utjecaj na druge ljude.
18:51
I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.
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Rekla bih kompanijama, to nije naš prvi rodeo ljudi.
18:55
We just need you to be authentic and real
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Tražimo od vas da budete autentični i stvarni
18:57
and say, "We're sorry.
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i da kažete, "Žao nam je.
18:59
We'll fix it."
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Popravit ćemo to."
19:05
But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.
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Ali postoji i drugi način, i ostavit ću vas s tim.
19:07
This is what I have found:
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Ovo je što sam otkrila:
19:09
to let ourselves be seen,
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kako bismo dopustili sebi da budemo viđeni,
19:11
deeply seen,
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duboko viđeni,
19:13
vulnerably seen;
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ranjivo viđeni;
19:16
to love with our whole hearts,
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kako bismo voljeli sa svim srcem,
19:18
even though there's no guarantee --
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iako ne postoji nikakvo jamstvo -
19:20
and that's really hard,
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a to je uistinu teško,
19:22
and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --
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i mogu vam to reći kao roditelj, to je bolno teško -
19:27
to practice gratitude and joy
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kako bismo prakticirali zahvalnost i radost
19:30
in those moments of terror,
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u tim trenucima užasa,
19:32
when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?
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kada se pitamo, "Mogu li te voljeti toliko?
19:34
Can I believe in this this passionately?
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Mogu li vjerovati u to sa toliko strašću?
19:36
Can I be this fierce about this?"
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Mogu li biti bijesna zbog toga?"
19:39
just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,
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kako bi jednostavno bili sposobni stati i, umjesto katastrofiziranja što se moglo dogoditi,
19:41
to say, "I'm just so grateful,
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reći, "Jednostavno sam toliko zahvalna,
19:44
because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
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jer osjećati se toliko ranjivom znači da sam živa."
19:48
And the last, which I think is probably the most important,
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I posljednje, što je mislim najvažnije,
19:51
is to believe that we're enough.
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je vjerovati da smo dovoljni.
19:54
Because when we work from a place,
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Jer kada radimo s mjesta
19:56
I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"
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koje, vjerujem, kaže, "Dovoljna sam,"
20:00
then we stop screaming and start listening,
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tada možemo prestati vrištati i početi slušati,
20:04
we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,
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ljubazniji smo i nježniji prema ljudima oko nas,
20:06
and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
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i ljubazniji smo i nježniji do nas samih.
20:09
That's all I have. Thank you.
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To je sve što imam. Hvala vam.
20:11
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcherBrené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.
Why you should listen
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:
How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com