Kio Stark: Why you should talk to strangers
کیو استارک: چرا باید با غریبهها صحبت کنید
Kio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
And, in some ways, they are.
و یه جورایی واقعاً هستند.
or what the day is like.
یا امروز چگونه است.
این هست که:
مستندسازی تجربههایم کردم
documenting my experiences
really beautiful was going on.
waiting for the light to change,
چراغ عابر پیاده ایستاده بودم،
in the street on the storm drain,
روی درپوش جوب ایستاده بودم،
standing next to me.
and sort of an old-man hat,
یک کلاه پیرمردها سرش بود،
I stepped back onto the sidewalk.
به پیاده رو برگشتم.
so happy that he'd saved me.
که من رو نجات داده.
وجود من بعنوان یک شخص
my existence as a person
that strangers are dangerous by default,
غریبهها بصورت پیش فرض خطرناکند،
that they might hurt us.
و ممکنه به ما آسیب بزنند.
because we have no context.
چون که زمینهای نداریم.
and making choices,
و استفاده از ادراکمان،
I say that to her,
دوبار فکر میکنم،
but as a woman, particularly,
اما مخصوصاً به عنوان یک زن،
on the street has the best intentions.
نیّت خوبی ندارد.
and it's good to learn when not to be,
و خوبه که یاد بگیریم کی اینطور نباشیم،
we have to be afraid.
که باید ترسید.
مغز ما میکند.
for learning about them.
شناختن آنهاست.
غریبه و دوست میبینیم
about people as individuals.
به عنوان فرد فکر نمیکنیم.
who travels frequently
که خیلی زیاد و به تنهایی،
شخص تنهای واقعی ببیند پیدا کن.
as a real, individual person.
که دیگران نیز تو را اینگونه ببینند.
other people see you that way, too.
has to do with intimacy.
در ارتباط با صمیمیت است.
a little counterintuitive,
غیر منتظره است
can lead to a feeling
میتوانند به احساسی منتهی شوند
"fleeting intimacy."
«صمیمیت گذرا» مینامند.
that has emotional resonance and meaning.
احساس و تمایل را در پی دارد.
of the storm drain by the old man,
توسط آن پیرمرد بدست آوردم٬
on my train on the way to work.
موقع رفتن به محل کار احساس میکنم.
that people often feel more comfortable
راحت تری دارند
با غریبهها صادق و راحت هستند
about their inner selves with strangers
and their families --
اینطور باشند --
more understood by strangers.
معمولاً بهتر درک میشوند
with great lament.
گزارش میشود
ارتباط برقرار میکنند!"
better than spouses!"
these interactions can be;
چقدر میتوانند مهم باشند
as much as we need our friends
خانواده مان بهش نیاز داریم.
so well with strangers?
اینگونه با غریبهها ارتباط برقرار کنیم؟
it's a quick interaction.
you're never going to see again, right?
او را نخواهی دید صادق باشی
it gets more interesting.
از این جالب است.
to people we're close to.
خویشاوندان نزدیکمان داریم
که ذهن ما را بخوانند
that your friend or your spouse
دوست یا همسر شما
that you want to leave early.
که شما میخواهید زودتر بروید
to start from scratch.
how we feel about them;
و در موردشان چطور حسی داریم
understand us a little better.
that talking to strangers matters,
کردن با غریبهها مهم هست٬
تمایل داریم ازشان پیروی کنیم.
we tend to follow.
depending on what country you're in,
between civility and privacy.
برقرار میکنیم
[م: اصطلاح جامعه شناسی]
towards each other on the street.
خیابان به سمت هم حرکت میکنند
from a distance.
نگاهی مختصر میاندازند
نگاهشان را به جایی دیگر میاندازند
they'll look away,
not to interact at all.
حرکت میکنند تا اصلاً تعامل نکنند.
to talking to strangers,
صحبت کردن با غریبهها بیزار هستند
miss their stop on the bus
نظرشان در اتبوس بگذرند
that they need to get around.
برود بگویند "عذر میخواهم"
shuffling of bags
that you need to get past,
که میخواهید گذر کنید
culture of hospitality.
مهمان نوازی وجود دارد
for a sip of water.
درخواست کنند
to invite you home for coffee.
خانه دعوت کنند
most clearly when they're broken,
که شکسته شوند
what the right thing to do is.
چیست،
is where the action is.
کاری است دلچسب.
I really want you to do this. OK?
میخواهم که این کار را انجام دهید. باشه؟
or in the hallway here, smile.
در راهرو اینجا رد میشوید، لبخند بزنید
that you both might see and comment on,
هر دو ببینید و در مورد آن نظر دهید٬
and see if starts a conversation.
و میبینید که مکالمهای آغاز میشود.
fabulous shoes right now,
معرکهای نپوشیدهام
as far as giving compliments goes.
about their awesome shoes.
شگفت انگیزشان به شما بگویند
the dogs and babies principle.
نوزادان را تجربه کرده باشید
در خیابان خوب پیش نره٬
to talk to someone on the street;
they're going to respond.
چطور پاسخ میدهند
to their dog or their baby.
صحبت کنید
میتوانید بگویید
بیشتر راغب هستند.
I talked about of feeling understood.
من در مورد احساس فهمیده شدن صحبت میکنم
or, "Where does he live?"
یا «او کجا زندگی میکنه؟»
تمام حقیقت را میگویم
فوت عزیزانشان در میان میگذارند
disclosure with disclosure,
با رازگویی بدهیم٬
you're making beautiful interruptions
برشهای زیبایی میسازید
of your daily life
ایجاد میکنید
you're missing out on all of that.
تمام آنها را از دست میدهید
به فرزندانمان میگذاریم
more time teaching ourselves?
آموزش دادن خودمان بگذاریم؟
that make us so suspicious of each other.
را نسبت به هم بدبین میکند رد کنیم
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Kio Stark - Stranger enthusiastKio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives.
Why you should listen
Kio Stark has always talked to strangers. She started documenting her experiences when she realized that not everyone shares this predilection. She's done extensive research into the emotional and political dimensions of stranger interactions and the complex dynamics how people relate to each other in public places.
Her novel Follow Me Down began as a series of true vignettes about strangers placed in the fictional context of a woman unraveling the eerie history of a lost letter misdelivered to her door.
Stark did doctoral work at Yale University’s American Studies program, where she thought a lot about the history of science and medicine, urban studies, art, and race -- and then dropped out. Because she also taught graduate courses at NYU's Interactive Telecommunications Program, numberless people consulted her about whether or not to go back to school. Those conversations inspired Don't Go Back to School, a handbook for independent learners.
Stark is the author of the TED Book When Strangers Meet, in which she argues for the pleasures and transformative possibilities of talking to people you don’t know.
Beyond strangers, Stark's abiding fixations include the invisibility of technology; how people learn; practices of generosity and mutual aid; the culture, infrastructure and ephemera of cities; mythology and fairy tales; and advocating for independent learning, data literacy, social justice and feminism. Fiction writers get to dive down wonderful rabbit holes, and some of her favorites have been the forging and stealing of art, secret societies, the daily lives of medical examiners, the physics of elementary particles, bridge design, the history of maps, the mechanisms of wrongful conviction and psychoanalysis.
When not writing books, Stark has worked in journalism, interactive advertising, community research and game design. She writes, teaches and speaks around the world about stranger interactions, independent learning and how people relate to technology. She also consults for startups and large companies helping them think about stranger interactions among their users and audiences.
Kio Stark | Speaker | TED.com