ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Kio Stark - Stranger enthusiast
Kio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives.

Why you should listen

Kio Stark has always talked to strangers. She started documenting her experiences when she realized that not everyone shares this predilection. She's done extensive research into the emotional and political dimensions of stranger interactions and the complex dynamics how people relate to each other in public places.

Her novel Follow Me Down began as a series of true vignettes about strangers placed in the fictional context of a woman unraveling the eerie history of a lost letter misdelivered to her door.

Stark did doctoral work at Yale University’s American Studies program, where she thought a lot about the history of science and medicine, urban studies, art, and race -- and then dropped out. Because she also taught graduate courses at NYU's Interactive Telecommunications Program, numberless people consulted her about whether or not to go back to school. Those conversations inspired Don't Go Back to School, a handbook for independent learners.

Stark is the author of the TED Book When Strangers Meet, in which she argues for the pleasures and transformative possibilities of talking to people you don’t know. 

Beyond strangers, Stark's abiding fixations include the invisibility of technology; how people learn; practices of generosity and mutual aid; the culture, infrastructure and ephemera of cities; mythology and fairy tales; and advocating for independent learning, data literacy, social justice and feminism. Fiction writers get to dive down wonderful rabbit holes, and some of her favorites have been the forging and stealing of art, secret societies, the daily lives of medical examiners, the physics of elementary particles, bridge design, the history of maps, the mechanisms of wrongful conviction and psychoanalysis.

When not writing books, Stark has worked in journalism, interactive advertising, community research and game design. She writes, teaches and speaks around the world about stranger interactions, independent learning and how people relate to technology. She also consults for startups and large companies helping them think about stranger interactions among their users and audiences.

More profile about the speaker
Kio Stark | Speaker | TED.com
TED2016

Kio Stark: Why you should talk to strangers

Kio Stark: Zašto bismo trebali razgovarati sa strancima

Filmed:
3,055,719 views

"Razgovarajući sa strancima stvaramo prekrasne prekide u očekivanom narativu naših, ali i njihovih života", tvrdi Kio Stark. U ovom prekrasnom govoru Stark razmatra zanemarene koristi dobivene nadvladavanjem urođenog osjećaja neugode koji se javlja kada razgovaramo sa strancima te govori kako bismo trebali objeručke prihvatiti te prolazne, prelijepe trenutke istinske povezanosti.
- Stranger enthusiast
Kio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
There are things we say
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Postoje stvari koje kažemo
00:14
when we catchulov the eyeoko of a strangerstranac
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kada uhvatimo pogled stranca
00:16
or a neighborsusjed walkinghodanje by.
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ili susjeda.
00:19
We say, "HelloPozdrav, how are you?
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Kažemo: Bok, kako si?
00:22
It's a beautifullijep day.
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Prekrasan je dan.
00:23
How do you feel?"
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Jesi li dobro?
00:25
These soundzvuk kindljubazan of meaninglessbez značenja, right?
And, in some waysnačine, they are.
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Ovakve rečenice zvuče beznačajno
jer to i jesu, na neki način.
00:29
They have no semanticsemantički meaningznačenje.
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Nemaju semantičko značenje.
00:32
It doesn't matterstvar how you are
or what the day is like.
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Nije važno kako ste ili kakav je dan.
00:35
They have something elsedrugo.
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Ali imaju nešto drugo -
00:37
They have socialsocijalni meaningznačenje.
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društveno značenje.
00:40
What we mean when we say those things is:
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Kada kažemo nešto poput toga,
zapravo želimo reći:
00:42
I see you there.
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primjećujem te.
00:45
I'm obsessedopsjednut with talkingkoji govori to strangersstranci.
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Opsjednuta sam razgovaranjem sa strancima.
00:49
I make eyeoko contactkontakt, say hellozdravo,
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Uspostavim kontakt očima, pozdravim ih,
00:51
I offerponuda help, I listen.
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ponudim pomoć, slušam.
00:54
I get all kindsvrste of storiespriče.
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Svačega se naslušam.
00:57
About sevensedam yearsgodina agoprije, I startedpočeo
documentingdokumentiranje my experiencesiskustva
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Prije sedam godina počela sam
dokumentirati svoja iskustva
01:01
to try to figurelik out why.
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kako bih saznala zašto.
01:03
What I foundpronađeno was that something
really beautifullijep was going on.
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Otkrila sam da se događa nešto predivno.
01:07
This is almostskoro poeticpjesnički.
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Gotovo poetski.
01:10
These were really profounddubok experiencesiskustva.
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Bila su to doista duboka iskustva,
01:13
They were unexpectedneočekivan pleasuresužici.
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neočekivani izvori zadovoljstva,
01:15
They were genuinepravi emotionalemotivan connectionsveze.
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prave emocionalne veze,
01:18
They were liberatingoslobađajući momentstrenutke.
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trenutci oslobođenja.
01:22
So one day, I was standingstajati on a cornerugao
waitingčekanje for the lightsvjetlo to changepromijeniti,
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Jednog dana stajala sam na uglu
i čekala zeleno svjetlo na semaforu,
01:26
whichkoji, I'm a NewNovi YorkerYorkeru,
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a kako sam Njujorčanka,
01:27
so that meanssredstva I was actuallyzapravo standingstajati
in the streetulica on the stormoluja drainodvod,
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to znači da sam zapravo stajala na šahtu,
01:31
as if that could get me acrosspreko fasterbrže.
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kao da ću zbog toga manje čekati.
01:34
And there's an oldstar man
standingstajati nextSljedeći to me.
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Do mene je stajao stariji čovjek
01:36
So he's wearingnošenje, like, a long overcoatzimski kaput
and sortvrsta of an old-manStari hatšešir,
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u dugom kaputu i šeširu
koji nose starija gospoda.
01:40
and he lookedgledao like somebodyneko from a moviefilm.
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Izgledao je kao da je ispao iz nekog filma
01:43
And he sayskaže to me,
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i rekao mi je:
01:44
"Don't standstajati there. You mightmoć disappearnestati."
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Nemojte tu stajati, mogli biste nestati.
01:48
So this is absurdapsurdno, right?
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Apsurdno, zar ne?
01:49
But I did what he said.
I steppedzgazi back ontona the sidewalktrotoar.
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Ali poslušala sam ga
i vratila se na pločnik.
01:52
And he smiledNasmijala se, and he said,
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Nasmiješio se i rekao:
01:54
"Good. You never know.
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Tako, nikad ne znate.
01:56
I mightmoć have turnedokrenut around,
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Što da sam se okrenuo
01:57
and zoopzoop, you're goneotišao."
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i opa - više vas nema?
02:01
This was weirdčudan,
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Bilo je to čudno iskustvo,
02:03
and alsotakođer really wonderfulpredivan.
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ali i pomalo krasno.
02:06
He was so warmtoplo, and he was
so happysretan that he'don bi savedspremaju me.
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Bio je tako srdačan
i tako sretan što me spasio.
02:09
We had this little bondveza.
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Povezali smo se.
02:11
For a minuteminuta, I feltosjećala like
my existencepostojanje as a personosoba
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Osjećala sam se kao da je moje postojanje
02:16
had been noticedprimijetio,
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napokon primijećeno
02:18
and I was worthvrijedan savingušteda.
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i da zaslužujem biti spašena.
02:23
The really sadtužan thing is,
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Tužno je
02:24
in manymnogi partsdijelovi of the worldsvijet,
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kako nas u mnogim
dijelovima svijeta
02:26
we're raiseduzdignut to believe
that strangersstranci are dangerousopasno by defaultzadani,
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uče da su stranci općenito opasni,
02:30
that we can't trustpovjerenje them,
that they mightmoć hurtpovrijediti us.
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da im ne možemo vjerovati
i da bi nam mogli nauditi.
02:34
But mostnajviše strangersstranci aren'tnisu dangerousopasno.
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No, većina stranaca nije opasna.
02:36
We're uneasynelagodno around them
because we have no contextkontekst.
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Neugodno nam je u njihovu društvu
jer nam nedostaje kontekst.
02:40
We don't know what theirnjihov intentionsnamjere are.
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Ne znamo kakve su im namjere,
02:43
So insteadumjesto of usingkoristeći our perceptionspercepcija
and makingizrađivanje choicesizbori,
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pa umjesto da odlučujemo
na temelju naših opažanja,
02:46
we relyosloniti on this categorykategorija of "strangerstranac."
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oslanjamo se na kategoriju stranca.
02:51
I have a four-year-oldčetiri-godišnjak.
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Imam četverogodišnju djevojčicu.
02:52
When I say hellozdravo to people on the streetulica,
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Kada pozdravljam ljude na ulici,
02:54
she askspita me why.
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pita me zašto to radim.
02:56
She sayskaže, "Do we know them?"
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Pita me znamo li ih.
03:00
I say, "No, they're our neighborsusjed."
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Kažem: ne, to nam je susjed.
03:02
"Are they our friendprijatelj?"
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Upita: je li nam prijatelj?
03:04
"No, it's just good to be friendlyprijateljski."
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Odgovaram: ne,
ali lijepo je biti pristojan.
03:07
I think twicedvaput everysvaki time
I say that to her,
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Svaki put dvaput razmislim
kad joj to kažem
03:11
because I mean it,
but as a womanžena, particularlynaročito,
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jer to zaista mislim, ali ako ste žena,
03:14
I know that not everysvaki strangerstranac
on the streetulica has the bestnajbolje intentionsnamjere.
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znam da nema svaki
stranac s ulice najbolje namjere.
03:18
It is good to be friendlyprijateljski,
and it's good to learnnaučiti when not to be,
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Lijepo je biti pristojan
i lijepo je znati kada to ne moramo biti,
03:22
but nonenijedan of that meanssredstva
we have to be afraiduplašen.
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ali to ne znači da se moramo bojati.
03:26
There are two hugeogroman benefitsprednosti
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Možemo izvući dvije velike koristi
03:29
to usingkoristeći our sensesosjetila insteadumjesto of our fearsstrahovi.
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oslanjanjem na osjetila umjesto na strah.
03:33
The first one is that it liberatesoslobađa us.
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Prva - oslobađa nas.
03:37
When you think about it,
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Razmislite malo,
03:39
usingkoristeći perceptionpercepcija insteadumjesto of categorieskategorije
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opažanje umjesto kategoriziranja
03:42
is much easierlakše said than doneučinio.
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lakše je u teoriji nego u praksi.
03:44
CategoriesKategorije are something our brainsmozak use.
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Naši mozgovi također kategoriziraju.
03:47
When it comesdolazi to people,
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Kad su ljudi u pitanju,
03:49
it's sortvrsta of a shortcutprečac
for learningučenje about them.
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to je prečac do učenja o njima.
03:52
We see malemuški, femaležena, youngmladi, oldstar,
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Vidimo muško, žensko, mlado, staro,
03:56
blackcrno, brownsmeđ, whitebijela, strangerstranac, friendprijatelj,
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crno, smeđe, bijelo, stranca, prijatelja
04:00
and we use the informationinformacija in that boxkutija.
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i koristimo informacije iz tih polja.
04:04
It's quickbrz, it's easylako
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Jednostavno je, brzo
04:05
and it's a roadcesta to biasprednapon.
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i vodi do predrasuda.
04:08
And it meanssredstva we're not thinkingmišljenje
about people as individualspojedinci.
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To znači da ne gledamo
na ljude kao na pojedince.
04:13
I know an AmericanAmerički researcherIstraživač
who travelsputovanja frequentlyčesto
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Jedna američka istraživačica
često sama putuje
04:17
in CentralSredišnje AsiaAsia and AfricaAfrika, alonesam.
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u središnju Aziju i Afriku.
04:20
She's enteringulazak into townsgradovi and citiesgradovi
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Ulazi u gradove
04:23
as a completepotpun strangerstranac.
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kao potpuni stranac.
04:25
She has no bondsokovi, no connectionsveze.
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Nema nikakvih veza koje može povući.
04:28
She's a foreignerstranac.
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Tuđinac je.
04:29
Her survivalopstanak strategystrategija is this:
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Ovako ona preživljava:
04:32
get one strangerstranac to see you
as a realstvaran, individualpojedinac personosoba.
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ako vas jedan stranac vidi
kao pravu osobu, kao pojedinca,
04:36
If you can do that, it'llto će help
other people see you that way, too.
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i drugi će vas tako gledati.
04:40
The seconddrugi benefitkorist of usingkoristeći our sensesosjetila
has to do with intimacyintimnost.
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Druga korist dobivena korištenjem
osjetila povezana je s intimnosti.
04:46
I know it soundszvukovi
a little counterintuitivecounterintuitive,
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Znam da se protivi intuiciji,
04:48
intimacyintimnost and strangersstranci,
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intimnost i stranci,
04:50
but these quickbrz interactionsinterakcije
can leaddovesti to a feelingosjećaj
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ali ove brze interakcije
dovode do osjećaja
04:54
that sociologistssociolozi call
"fleetingkratkotrajna intimacyintimnost."
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koji sociolozi nazivaju
prolaznom intimnosti.
04:57
So, it's a briefkratak experienceiskustvo
that has emotionalemotivan resonancerezonancija and meaningznačenje.
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To kratkotrajno iskustvo ima
emocionalni odjek i značenje.
05:03
It's the good feelingosjećaj I got
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Ja sam se dobro osjećala
05:05
from beingbiće savedspremaju from the deathsmrt trapzamka
of the stormoluja drainodvod by the oldstar man,
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kad me onaj starac spasio od nestajanja,
05:10
or how I feel like partdio of a communityzajednica
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a tako se osjećam
i kada postajem dio zajednice
05:13
when I talk to somebodyneko
on my trainvlak on the way to work.
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razgovarajući s nekim kad idem na posao.
05:17
SometimesPonekad it goeside furtherunaprijediti.
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Nekad koristi ne staju tu.
05:19
ResearchersIstraživači have foundpronađeno
that people oftenčesto feel more comfortableudobno
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Istraživači su otkrili
da je ljudima ugodnije
05:24
beingbiće honestpošten and openotvoren
about theirnjihov innerunutrašnji selvessebe with strangersstranci
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biti iskren i otvoren
o osobnim stvarima sa strancima
05:28
than they do with theirnjihov friendsprijatelji
and theirnjihov familiesobitelji --
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nego s prijateljima i obitelji.
05:32
that they oftenčesto feel
more understoodrazumjeti by strangersstranci.
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Često osjećaju
da ih stranci bolje razumiju.
05:37
This getsdobiva reportedizvijestio in the mediamedia
with great lamentnaricati.
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O tome se stalno govori u medijima.
05:41
"StrangersStranci communicatekomunicirati
better than spousessupružnici!"
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"Stranci komuniciraju
bolje od bračnih drugova."
05:44
It's a good headlinenaslov, right?
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Dobra je to naslovnica, zar ne?
05:47
I think it entirelypotpuno missespromaši the pointtočka.
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Mislim da ne shvaća bit.
05:51
The importantvažno thing about these studiesstudije
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Ono što je važno kod ovih istraživanja
05:53
is just how significantznačajan
these interactionsinterakcije can be;
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jest koliko važne
ovakve interakcije mogu biti,
05:56
how this specialposeban formoblik of closenessbliskost
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kako nam poseban oblik bliskosti
05:59
givesdaje us something we need
as much as we need our friendsprijatelji
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daje ono što nam je potrebno
jednako kao i prijatelji
06:02
and our familiesobitelji.
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i obitelji.
06:04
So how is it possiblemoguće that we communicatekomunicirati
so well with strangersstranci?
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Kako je moguće da tako dobro
komuniciramo sa strancima?
06:10
There are two reasonsrazlozi.
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Postoje dva razloga.
06:12
The first one is that
it's a quickbrz interactioninterakcija.
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Razlog prvi: to je brza interakcija
06:15
It has no consequencesposljedice.
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bez posljedica.
06:17
It's easylako to be honestpošten with someonenetko
you're never going to see again, right?
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Lako je biti iskren prema nekome
koga više nikada nećemo vidjeti, zar ne?
06:20
That makesmarke senseosjećaj.
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Ima smisla.
06:22
The seconddrugi reasonrazlog is where
it getsdobiva more interestingzanimljiv.
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Razlog drugi puno je zanimljiviji.
06:25
We have a biasprednapon when it comesdolazi
to people we're closeblizu to.
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Imamo određene predrasude
prema ljudima s kojima smo bliski.
06:29
We expectočekivati them to understandrazumjeti us.
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Očekujemo od njih da nas razumiju.
06:32
We assumepretpostaviti they do,
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Pretpostavljamo to,
06:33
and we expectočekivati them to readčitati our mindsmisli.
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a i očekujemo od njih da nam čitaju misli.
06:36
So imaginezamisliti you're at a partystranka,
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Zamislite da ste na tulumu
06:39
and you can't believe
that your friendprijatelj or your spousesuprug
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i ne možete vjerovati
da vaš prijatelj ili supružnik
06:42
isn't pickingbranje up on it
that you want to leavenapustiti earlyrano.
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ne shvaća da vam se ide kući.
06:45
And you're thinkingmišljenje,
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Mislite si:
06:46
"I gavedali you the look."
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"Pa pogledao sam te značajno."
06:50
With a strangerstranac, we have
to startpočetak from scratchogrepsti.
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Sa strancima moramo početi ni od čega.
06:53
We tell the wholečitav storypriča,
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Ispričamo im cijelu priču,
06:55
we explainobjasniti who the people are,
how we feel about them;
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objasnimo ljude i naše misli o njima,
06:58
we spellčarolija out all the insideiznutra jokesVicevi.
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objašnjavamo interne fore.
07:00
And guessnagađati what?
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I znate što?
07:02
SometimesPonekad they do
understandrazumjeti us a little better.
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Nekada nas zaista bolje razumiju.
07:06
OK.
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Dobro.
07:07
So now that we know
that talkingkoji govori to strangersstranci matterspitanja,
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Sad kad znamo da je bitno
razgovarati sa strancima,
07:10
how does it work?
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zapitajmo se kako funkcionira.
07:12
There are unwrittennepisana rulespravila
we tendskloni to followslijediti.
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Moramo slijediti neka nepisana pravila.
07:15
The rulespravila are very differentdrugačiji
dependingovisno on what countryzemlja you're in,
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Ta se pravila razlikuju
od zemlje do zemlje,
07:19
what cultureKultura you're in.
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od kulture do kulture.
07:21
In mostnajviše partsdijelovi of the US,
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U većem dijelu SAD-a,
07:23
the baselineosnovica expectationočekivanja in publicjavnost
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u javnosti se očekuje
07:25
is that we maintainodržavati a balanceravnoteža
betweenizmeđu civilityuljudnosti and privacyprivatnost.
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da se održava ravnoteža
između pristojnosti i privatnosti,
07:30
This is knownznan as civilgrađanski inattentionnepažnje.
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što je poznato kao pristojna nepažnja.
07:33
So, imaginezamisliti two people are walkinghodanje
towardsza eachsvaki other on the streetulica.
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Zamislite dvoje ljudi koji na ulici
hodaju ususret jedno drugome.
07:37
They'llOni će glancepogled at eachsvaki other
from a distanceudaljenost.
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Pogledaju jedno drugo iz daljine.
07:39
That's the civilityuljudnosti, the acknowledgmentpriznanje.
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To je pristojnost, priznanje.
07:41
And then as they get closerbliže,
they'lloni će look away,
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Što se više približavaju, skrenu pogled
07:43
to give eachsvaki other some spaceprostor.
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kako bi drugome dali prostora.
07:47
In other cultureskulture,
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U drugim kulturama,
07:48
people go to extraordinaryizvanredan lengthsduljine
not to interactinterakcija at all.
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ljudi se nevjerojatno trude
oko neinterakcije.
07:54
People from DenmarkDanska tell me
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Danci su mi rekli
07:56
that manymnogi DanesDanci are so averseaverzija
to talkingkoji govori to strangersstranci,
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da su neki od njih toliko protiv
interakcije sa strancima
08:00
that they would ratherradije
misspropustiti theirnjihov stop on the busautobus
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da bi radije propustili
svoj izlaz na autobusu
08:03
than say "excuseizgovor me" to someonenetko
that they need to get around.
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nego zamolili nekoga
da se makne kako bi oni prošli.
08:07
InsteadUmjesto toga, there's this elaboraterazraditi
shufflingmiješanje of bagsvrećice
159
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Stoga bučno premještaju vrećice
08:10
and usingkoristeći your bodytijelo to say
that you need to get pastprošlost,
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3483
i komešaju se kako bi neverbalno izrazili
da žele da se maknete,
08:13
insteadumjesto of usingkoristeći two wordsriječi.
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umjesto da kažu te dvije riječi.
08:18
In EgyptEgipat, I'm told,
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Čujem da je u Egiptu
08:20
it's rudeprimitivan to ignorezanemariti a strangerstranac,
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nepristojno ignorirati stranca
08:23
and there's a remarkableizvanredan
cultureKultura of hospitalitygostoljubivost.
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te postoji kultura gostoljubivosti.
08:27
StrangersStranci mightmoć askpitati eachsvaki other
for a sipgutljaj of watervoda.
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Stranci međusobno jedno od drugoga
mogu tražiti gutljaj vode,
08:30
Or, if you askpitati someonenetko for directionssmjerovi,
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a ako nekoga pitate za put,
08:33
they're very likelyVjerojatno
to invitepozvati you home for coffeekava.
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vrlo vjerojatno će vas
pozvati da uđete na kavu.
08:37
We see these unwrittennepisana rulespravila
mostnajviše clearlyjasno when they're brokenslomljen,
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Ova nepisana pravila najvidljivija su
kada ih se prekrši
08:41
or when you're in a newnovi placemjesto
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ili kada se nađete u nepoznatom okruženju
08:43
and you're tryingtežak to figurelik out
what the right thing to do is.
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i pokušavate shvatiti što trebate činiti.
08:47
SometimesPonekad breakinglom the rulespravila a little bitbit
is where the actionakcijski is.
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Nekad je najzanimljivije
kad prekršite pravila.
08:54
In casespis it's not clearčisto,
I really want you to do this. OK?
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Ako nisam bila dovoljno jasna,
stvarno želim da ovo učinite.
08:59
So here'sevo how it's going to go.
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Ovako.
09:01
Find somebodyneko who is makingizrađivanje eyeoko contactkontakt.
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Uspostavite kontakt očima s nekim.
09:03
That's a good signalsignal.
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To je dobar znak.
09:05
The first thing is a simplejednostavan smileosmijeh.
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Prvo se samo nasmiješite.
09:08
If you're passingpretjecanje somebodyneko on the streetulica
or in the hallwayhodnik here, smileosmijeh.
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Ako prolazite kraj nekoga na ulici
ili ovdje u hodniku, nasmiješite se
09:12
See what happensdogađa se.
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i pratite što se događa.
09:14
AnotherJoš jedan is triangulationTriangulacija.
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Možete pokušati i triangulaciju.
09:16
There's you, there's a strangerstranac,
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Postojite vi, stranac
09:18
there's some thirdtreći thing
that you bothoba mightmoć see and commentkomentar on,
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i neka treća stvar koju oboje
vidite i prokomentirate -
09:23
like a piecekomad of publicjavnost artumjetnost
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1987
nešto poput javnog umjetničkog djela,
09:25
or somebodyneko preachingpropovijedanje in the streetulica
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ili govornika na ulici
09:27
or somebodyneko wearingnošenje funnysmiješno clothesodjeća.
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ili nekoga tko je smiješno obučen.
09:30
Give it a try.
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Pokušajte.
09:31
Make a commentkomentar about that thirdtreći thing,
and see if startspočinje a conversationrazgovor.
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Komentirajte tu treću stvar i pratite
hoće li se iz toga izroditi razgovor.
09:36
AnotherJoš jedan is what I call noticingprimjećujući.
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Imate još jednu opciju:
primjećivanje
09:38
This is usuallyobično givingdavanje a complimentkompliment.
188
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koje se sastoji od davanja komplimenata.
09:41
I'm a bigvelika fanventilator of noticingprimjećujući people'snarodno shoescipele.
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Ja obožavam primjećivati cipele.
09:44
I'm actuallyzapravo not wearingnošenje
fabulousnevjerojatan shoescipele right now,
190
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Trenutno ne nosim neke fantastične cipele,
09:47
but shoescipele are fabulousnevjerojatan in generalgeneral.
191
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2159
ali općenito gledajući,
cipele su fantastične
09:49
And they're prettyprilično neutralneutralan
as fardaleko as givingdavanje complimentspohvale goeside.
192
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i pružaju prilično neutralan teren
za davanje komplimenata.
09:53
People always want to tell you things
about theirnjihov awesomesuper shoescipele.
193
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Ljudi vam uvijek žele pričati
o svojim fantastičnim cipelama.
09:57
You maysvibanj have alreadyveć experiencediskusan
the dogspsi and babiesbebe principlenačelo.
194
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Možda ste već doživjeli princip
s bebama i psima.
10:01
It can be awkwardneugodno
to talk to someonenetko on the streetulica;
195
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Može biti neugodno
razgovarati s nekim na ulici,
10:03
you don't know how
they're going to respondodgovarati.
196
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ne znate kako će reagirati,
10:06
But you can always talk
to theirnjihov dogpas or theirnjihov babydijete.
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2542
ali uvijek možete pričati
sa psom ili djetetom.
10:08
The dogpas or the babydijete
198
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Pas ili dijete
10:09
is a socialsocijalni conduitcijev to the personosoba,
199
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društvena je provodna materija do osobe
10:13
and you can tell by how they respondodgovarati
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i po tome kako reagiraju možete vidjeti
10:15
whetherda li they're openotvoren to talkingkoji govori more.
201
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jesu li zainteresirani za dublju priču.
10:18
The last one I want to challengeizazov you to
202
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Želim vas potaknuti na još jednu stvar -
10:20
is disclosureotkrivanje.
203
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razotkrivanje.
10:22
This is a very vulnerableranjiv thing to do,
204
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To je nešto što ustinu pokazuje slabost,
10:24
and it can be very rewardingnagrađivanje.
205
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no donijet će vam veliku dobit.
10:27
So nextSljedeći time you're talkingkoji govori to a strangerstranac
206
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Sljedeći put kad
budete pričali sa strancem
10:29
and you feel comfortableudobno,
207
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i bude vam neugodno,
10:31
tell them something truepravi about yourselfsami,
208
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recite im jednu istinu o sebi,
10:34
something really personalosobni.
209
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nešto osobno.
10:36
You mightmoć have that experienceiskustvo
I talkedRazgovarao about of feelingosjećaj understoodrazumjeti.
210
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Možda se osjetite shvaćeno.
10:41
SometimesPonekad in conversationrazgovor, it comesdolazi up,
211
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Nekad za vrijeme razgovora
10:43
people askpitati me, "What does your dadtata do?"
or, "Where does he liveživjeti?"
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ljudi me pitaju
čime mi se tata bavi ili gdje živi.
10:47
And sometimesponekad I tell them the wholečitav truthistina,
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Nekad kažem cijelu istinu,
10:49
whichkoji is that he diedumro when I was a kiddijete.
214
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da je umro kad sam bila mala.
10:53
Always in those momentstrenutke,
215
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2017
U tim trenutcima
10:55
they sharePodjeli theirnjihov ownvlastiti experiencesiskustva of lossgubitak.
216
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stranci izreknu vlastita
iskustva s gubitkom.
10:58
We tendskloni to meetsastati
disclosureotkrivanje with disclosureotkrivanje,
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Razotkrivanje prati razotkrivanje,
11:01
even with strangersstranci.
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čak i kad su stranci u pitanju.
11:04
So, here it is.
219
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To je to.
11:07
When you talk to strangersstranci,
you're makingizrađivanje beautifullijep interruptionsprekida
220
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3854
Razgovarajući sa strancima
stvarate prekrasne prekide
11:11
into the expectedočekuje se narrativepripovijest
of your dailydnevno life
221
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očekivanih narativa
vašeg svakodnevnog života,
11:14
and theirsnjihova.
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ali i njihovog.
11:16
You're makingizrađivanje unexpectedneočekivan connectionsveze.
223
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Stvarate neočekivane poveznice.
11:19
If you don't talk to strangersstranci,
you're missingnedostaje out on all of that.
224
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Ako ne razgovarate sa strancima,
propuštate sve to.
11:25
We spendprovesti a lot of time
225
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Puno vremena provodimo
11:27
teachingnastava our childrendjeca about strangersstranci.
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učeći našu djecu o strancima.
11:30
What would happendogoditi se if we spentpotrošen
more time teachingnastava ourselvessebe?
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Što kad bismo više vremena
proveli učeći sebe?
11:35
We could rejectodbijanje all the ideasideje
that make us so suspicioussumnjiv of eachsvaki other.
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Odbacili bismo sve ideje zbog kojih smo
sumnjičavi jedni prema drugima.
11:40
We could make a spaceprostor for changepromijeniti.
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Napravili bismo prostora za promjenu.
11:44
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
11:45
(ApplausePljesak)
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(Pljesak)
Translated by Anja Kolobarić
Reviewed by Nedžad Neziri

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Kio Stark - Stranger enthusiast
Kio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives.

Why you should listen

Kio Stark has always talked to strangers. She started documenting her experiences when she realized that not everyone shares this predilection. She's done extensive research into the emotional and political dimensions of stranger interactions and the complex dynamics how people relate to each other in public places.

Her novel Follow Me Down began as a series of true vignettes about strangers placed in the fictional context of a woman unraveling the eerie history of a lost letter misdelivered to her door.

Stark did doctoral work at Yale University’s American Studies program, where she thought a lot about the history of science and medicine, urban studies, art, and race -- and then dropped out. Because she also taught graduate courses at NYU's Interactive Telecommunications Program, numberless people consulted her about whether or not to go back to school. Those conversations inspired Don't Go Back to School, a handbook for independent learners.

Stark is the author of the TED Book When Strangers Meet, in which she argues for the pleasures and transformative possibilities of talking to people you don’t know. 

Beyond strangers, Stark's abiding fixations include the invisibility of technology; how people learn; practices of generosity and mutual aid; the culture, infrastructure and ephemera of cities; mythology and fairy tales; and advocating for independent learning, data literacy, social justice and feminism. Fiction writers get to dive down wonderful rabbit holes, and some of her favorites have been the forging and stealing of art, secret societies, the daily lives of medical examiners, the physics of elementary particles, bridge design, the history of maps, the mechanisms of wrongful conviction and psychoanalysis.

When not writing books, Stark has worked in journalism, interactive advertising, community research and game design. She writes, teaches and speaks around the world about stranger interactions, independent learning and how people relate to technology. She also consults for startups and large companies helping them think about stranger interactions among their users and audiences.

More profile about the speaker
Kio Stark | Speaker | TED.com

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