TED2008
Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight
Džil Bolte Tejlor i njen snažni udar uvida
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Džil Bolte Tejlor je dobila priliku za istraživanje kakvu bi poželeo malo koji naučnik koji se bavi mozgom: doživela je snažan moždani udar i posmatrala kako se njene moždane funkcije - pokret, govor, samosvest - gase, jedna po jedna. Zapanjujuća priča.
Jill Bolte Taylor - Neuroanatomist
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
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Odrasla sam u istraživača mozga
00:21
because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:
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zato što moj brat ima dijagnozu moždane bolesti:
00:25
schizophrenia. And as a sister
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šizofreniju. I kao njegova sestra,
00:27
and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why
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a kasnije i kao naučnik, želela sam da razumem zašto
00:31
is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect
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ja mogu da uzmem svoje snove, da ih povežem
00:34
them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?
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sa svojom stvarnošću i učinim da se moji snovi ostvare.
00:37
What is it about my brother's brain and
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Šta je to s mozgom moga brata i
00:41
his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his
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njegovom šizofrenijom što čini da on ne može da poveže
00:44
dreams to a common and shared reality, so they
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svoje snove sa zajedničkom realnošću koju svi delimo,
00:48
instead become delusion?
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nego oni postaju obmana?
00:51
So I dedicated my career to research into the
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Zato sam posvetila svoju čitavu karijeru istraživanju
00:53
severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state
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teških mentalnih oboljenja. I preselila sam se iz svoje rodne
00:56
of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in
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Indijane u Boston, gde sam radila u
00:59
the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard
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laboratoriji Dr Frensin Benes, u okviru
01:02
Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,
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Odseka za psihijatriju na Harvardu. U laboratoriji smo se pitali:
01:08
"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals
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"Koje su biološke razlike između mozgova pojedinaca
01:13
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
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koji su imali dijagnozu normalne kontrole,
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with
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u poređenju sa mozgovima pojedinaca koji imaju dijagnozu
01:18
schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
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šizofrenije, šizoafektivnih ili bipolarnih poremećaja?"
01:23
So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry
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U suštini smo pravili mapu mikro-vodova
01:26
of the brain: which cells are communicating with
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mozga: koje ćelije komuniciraju s kojima,
01:29
which cells, with which chemicals, and then in
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pomoću kojih hemikalija i o kojim se
01:32
what quantities of those chemicals?
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količinama hemikalija radi?
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing
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To mi je puno značilo u životu, jer sam tokom dana
01:39
this type of research during the day.
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radila na takvim istraživanjima.
01:42
But then in the evenings and on the weekends,
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A uveče i vikendom bih putovala
01:45
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
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u svojstvu advokata za NAMI, Nacionalnu alijansu za mentalna oboljenja.
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up
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Ali jednog jutra, 10. decembra 1996., probudila sam se
01:53
to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.
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i otkrila da i sama imam moždano oboljenje.
01:57
A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.
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Krvni sud u levoj polovini mog mozga je eksplodirao.
02:01
And in the course of four hours,
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I tokom sledeća četiri sata
02:03
I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to
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imala sam priliku da posmatram kako mi moždana sposobnost
02:08
process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,
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obrade informacija propada. Tog jutra, kada sam dobila izliv
02:12
I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.
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nisam mogla da hodam, pričam, čitam, pišem ili se setim bilo čega o svom životu.
02:18
I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.
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U suštini, postala sam dete u telu žene.
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
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Ako ste ikada videli ljudski mozak,
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.
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očigledno je da su njegove dve hemisfere potpuno odvojene.
02:29
And I have brought for you a real human brain.
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Donela sam vam pravi ljudski mozak.
02:38
So this is a real human brain.
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Dakle, ovo je pravi mozak.
02:46
This is the front of the brain,
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Ovo mu je čelo,
02:48
the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,
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ovo je zadnji deo, kičmena moždina visi iz njega,
02:52
and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.
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a ovo mu je položaj unutar moje glave.
02:56
And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that
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Kada posmatrate mozak, očigledno je da
02:58
the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.
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su dva cerebralna korteksa potpuno odvojena jedan od drugoga.
03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
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Za one koji se razumeju u računare,
03:06
our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,
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naša desna hemisfera funkcioniše kao paralelni procesor,
03:09
while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.
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a leva kao serijalni procesor.
03:13
The two hemispheres do communicate with one another
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Dve hemisfere međusobno komuniciraju
03:16
through the corpus collosum,
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kroz korpus kalosum,
03:18
which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.
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koji je sačinjen od oko 300 miliona aksonalnih vlakana.
03:22
But other than that,
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Ali ako to izuzmemo,
03:24
the two hemispheres are completely separate.
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dve hemisfere su potpuno razdvojene.
03:28
Because they process information differently,
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Pošto drugačije obrađuju informacije,
03:31
each of our hemispheres think about different things,
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svaka od naših hemisfera razmišlja o različitim stvarima,
03:34
they care about different things, and, dare I say,
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stalo im je do drugih stvari i, ako mogu tako da kažem,
03:38
they have very different personalities.
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imaju vrlo različite ličnosti.
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.
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Izvinite. Hvala vam. Bilo mi je uživanje. (Asistent: Jeste.)
03:51
Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.
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Naša desna hemisfera se sva tiče sadašnjeg trenutka.
03:55
It's all about "right here, right now."
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Sva je u vezi sa "ovde i sada".
04:00
Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures
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Naša desna hemisfera razmišlja u slikama
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.
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i uči kinestetički, kroz kretnje naših tela.
04:07
Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously
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Informacije, u obliku energije, istovremeno stižu u nju
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
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kroz sve naše čulne sisteme
04:14
and then it explodes into this enormous collage
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i potom eksplodiraju u jedan ogroman kolaž
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
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aktuelnog trenutka: kako on izgleda,
04:21
what this present moment smells like and tastes like,
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kako taj trenutak miriše, kakav mu je ukus,
04:24
what it feels like and what it sounds like.
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kakav je na dodir i kakav mu je zvuk.
04:29
I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me
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Ja sam biće energije povezano sa energijom oko mene
04:34
through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.
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kroz svest moje desne hemisfere.
04:37
We are energy-beings connected to one another
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Mi smo bića energije, povezana jedna s drugima
04:41
through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.
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kroz svest u našim desnim hemisferama u jednu veliku ljudsku porodicu.
04:47
And right here,
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I baš ovde,
04:49
right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,
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baš sada, mi smo braća i sestre na ovoj planeti,
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
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tu da učinimo svet boljim mestom.
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.
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I u ovom trenutku smo savršeni, celi i divni.
05:02
My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.
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Moja leva hemisfera - naša leva hemisfera - je prilično drugačije mesto.
05:07
Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.
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Naša leva hemisfera razmišlja linearno i metodično.
05:11
Our left hemisphere
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Naša leva hemisfera
05:13
is all about the past and it's all about the future.
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se sva tiče prošlosti i budućnosti.
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take that
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Naša leva hemisfera je sazdana da preuzme
05:20
enormous collage of the present moment and start
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taj ogromni kolaž sadašnjeg trenutka i počne da
05:23
picking out details, details and more details about those details.
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izdvaja detalje, detalje i još detalja o tim detaljima.
05:27
It then categorizes and
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Potom kategorizuje i
05:29
organizes all that information, associates it
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organizuje sve te informacije, povezuje ih
05:33
with everything in the past we've ever learned, and
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sa svime što smo u prošlosti ikada naučili i
05:36
projects into the future all of our possibilities.
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pojektuje sve naše mogućnosti u budućnost.
05:40
And our left hemisphere thinks in language.
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I naša leva hemisfera razmišlja kroz jezik.
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my
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Taj stalni žamor u mozgu je ono što povezuje mene
05:47
internal world to my external world.
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i moj unutrašnji svet sa mojim spoljašnjim svetom.
05:51
It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember
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To je onaj mali glas koji mi govori: "Hej, moraš da se setiš
05:55
to pick up bananas on your way home.
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da pokupiš banane na putu do kuće.
05:58
I need them in the morning."
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Trebaće mi ujutro."
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me
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To je ta kalkulišuća inteligencija koja me podseća
06:02
when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,
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na to da moram da operem veš. Ali, možda najvažnije od svega,
06:05
it's that little voice that says to me,
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to je onaj glasić koji mi govori:
06:09
"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"
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"Jesam. Ja jesam." I čim mi moja leva hemisfera kaže "Jesam",
06:15
I become separate.
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Ja postajem izdvojeno.
06:18
I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow
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Postojem jedna čvrsta individua, izdvojena od toka energije
06:22
around me and separate from you.
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oko mene i odvojena od vas.
06:25
And this was the portion of my brain that I lost
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I to je deo mozga koji sam izgubila
06:28
on the morning of my stroke.
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tog jutra kada sam doživela udar.
06:30
On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a
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Tog jutra sam se probudila
06:34
pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --
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sa pulsirajućim bolom iza levog oka. Bio je to takav bol -
06:39
caustic pain -- that you get when you
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kaustičan bol - koji osetite kada
06:41
bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --
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zagrizete sladoled. Prosto me je zgrabio
06:45
and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --
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i onda me je pustio. I onda me je prosto zgrabio
06:49
and then it released me. And it was very unusual
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i pustio me. A za mene je vrlo neobično
06:52
for me to ever experience any kind of pain,
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da uopšte osetim bilo kakav bol,
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."
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pa sam pomislila, u redu, prosto ću početi s mojom normalnom rutinom.
06:57
So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,
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Tako sam ustala i skočila na moj kardio glajder,
07:00
which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.
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što vam je mašina za potpunu telesnu vežbu.
07:03
And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing
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I tako ja pumpam na mašini i odjednom shvatam
07:08
that my hands look like primitive claws grasping
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da moje ruke izgledaju kao primitivne kandže koje grabe
07:12
onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
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šipku. I mislim se: "To je baš neobično."
07:15
And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,
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I pogledam nadole, u svoje telo, i pomislim, "Uuu,
07:18
I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though
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što ja čudno izgledam". I to je bilo kao da
07:21
my consciousness had shifted away from my normal
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se moja svest pomerila iz moje normalne
07:24
perception of reality, where I'm the person on the
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percepcije stvarnosti, gde sam ja ta osoba na
07:27
machine having the experience, to some esoteric space
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mašini koja proživljava iskustvo, u nekakav ezoteričan prostor
07:30
where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.
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gde sam ja svedok sebe koja doživljavam iskustvo.
07:35
And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was
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I sve to je bilo vrlo neobično i moja glavobolja se
07:37
just getting worse. So I get off the machine,
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samo pogoršavala. I ja siđem sa mašine
07:39
and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I
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i hodam kroz moju dnevnu sobu i
07:42
realize that everything inside of my body has
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shvatim da se sve unutar moga tela
07:44
slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and
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drastično usporilo. I svaki korak je vrlo krut i
07:49
very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,
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vrlo nameran. Nema fluidnosti u mom hodu,
07:52
and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,
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i tu je kao neko suženje u mom opsegu percepcije
07:55
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
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tako da sam fokusirana na unutrašnje sisteme.
07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to
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I tako stojim u svome kupatilu, spremam se da
08:01
step into the shower, and I could actually hear the
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uđem pod tuš i mogu da zapravo čujem
08:03
dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice
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dijalog u svome telu. Čula sam mali glas
08:06
saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.
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koji kaže: "OK. Vi mišići, morate da se skupite.
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
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Vi mišići, vi se opustite."
08:10
And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.
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A onda sam izgubila ravnotežu i stojim oslonjena o zid.
08:13
And I look down at my arm and I realize
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I pogledam u svoju ruku i shvatim
08:17
that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.
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da više ne mogu da definišem granicu moga tela.
08:21
I can't define where I begin and where I end,
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Ne mogu da odredim gde ja počinjem i gde se ja završavam
08:25
because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
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zato što su se atomi i molekuli moje ruke
08:28
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.
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stopili sa atomima i molekulima zida.
08:32
And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.
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I sve što mogu da osetim jeste ta energija - energija.
08:36
And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?
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I pitam se: "Šta mi je, šta ne valja?
08:38
What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --
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Šta se događa?" I u tom trenutku, žamor u mom mozgu
08:42
my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.
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žamor u levoj polovini mog mozga - potpuno utihne.
08:45
Just like someone took a remote control
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Baš kao da je neko uzeo daljinski upravljač
08:48
and pushed the mute button. Total silence.
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i pritisnuo "mute". Totalna tišina.
08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
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I isprva sam bila šokirana što sam se zatekla
08:54
inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately
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unutar tihog uma. Ali odmah potom me je
08:58
captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.
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opčinila veličanstvenost sve te energije oko mene.
09:02
And because I could no longer identify
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I pošto više nisam mogla da identifikujem
09:06
the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.
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granice sopstvenog tela, osećala sam se ogromno i prostrano.
09:09
I felt at one with all the energy that was,
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Osetila sam se sjedinjeno sa svom energijom unaokolo,
09:13
and it was beautiful there.
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i tamo mi je bilo predivno.
09:16
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back
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A onda se odjednom moja leva hemisfera ponovo
09:18
online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!
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uključi i kaže mi, "Hej! Imamo problem!"
09:21
We got a problem! We gotta get some help."
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Imamo problem! Treba nam pomoć."
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.
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I ja mislim, "Ah! imam problem.
09:25
I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."
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Imam problem." I krenem, "OK. OK. Imam problem."
09:28
But then I immediately drifted right back
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Ali onda odmah odlutam nazad
09:31
out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately
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u svest - i od milošte
09:34
refer to this space as La La Land.
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taj prostor zovem La La Land (Dembelija).
09:38
But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would
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Ali tamo je bilo divno. Zamislite kako bi to bilo
09:40
be like to be totally disconnected from your brain
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da vam se potpuno prekine veza s mozgom
09:43
chatter that connects you to the external world.
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taj žamor koji vas povezuje sa spoljnim svetom.
09:46
So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any
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I eto mene u tom prostoru i moj posao -
09:49
stress related to my job -- it was gone.
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i sav stres vezan za posao - nestao.
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine
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I osećala sam se lakše u svom telu. I zamislite:
09:55
all of the relationships in the external world and any
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svi odnosi sa spoljnim svetom i svi
09:59
stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.
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stresori vezani za sve njih - sve je nestalo.
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
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I osetila sam takav mir.
10:07
And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!
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I zamislite kako bi to bilo da izgubite 37 godina emotivnog nasleđa!
10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
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(Smeh) O, osetila sam euforiju.
10:18
euphoria. It was beautiful.
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Euforiju. Bilo je prelepo.
10:21
And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,
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A onda, opet se vrati moja leva hemisfera i kaže:
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
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"Hej! Moraš da obratiš pažnju.
10:25
We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.
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Moramo da nađemo pomoć." I ja mislim: "Moram da nađem pomoć.
10:27
I gotta focus."
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Moram da se fokusiram."
10:29
So I get out of the shower and I mechanically
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I izađem iz tuš-kabine i mehanički se
10:31
dress and I'm walking around my apartment,
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obučem i hodam po stanu,
10:33
and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work.
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i razmišljam, "Moram na posao. Moram na posao."
10:35
Can I drive? Can I drive?"
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Mogu li da vozim? Mogu li da vozim?"
10:38
And in that moment my right arm went totally
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I u tom trenutku mi se desna ruka potpuno
10:40
paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,
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paralizovala uz bok. I tada sam shvatila:
10:43
"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"
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"O, bože! Imam moždani udar! Imam moždani udar!"
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!
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I sledeća stvar koju mi moj mozak kaže je: "Uuu!
10:49
This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!
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Ovo je tako kul." (Smeh) "Ovo je tako kul!
10:55
How many brain scientists have the opportunity
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Koliko naučnika koji se bave mozgom ima priliku
10:57
to study their own brain from the inside out?"
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da prouči svoj mozak iznutra?"
11:00
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
11:02
And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"
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A onda mi kroz glavu prođe: "Ali ja sam žena s puno obaveza!"
11:06
(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"
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(Smeh) "Nemam ja vremena za moždani udar!"
11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,
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I onda kažem: "OK, ne mogu da sprečim moždani udar,
11:11
so I'll do this for a week or two, and
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tako da ću ovo da radim nedelju ili dve,
11:14
then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
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a onda ću da se vratim svojoj rutini. OK.
11:16
So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."
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Tako da moram da pozovem pomoć. Da okrenem posao."
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
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Nisam mogla da se setim broja na poslu,
11:20
so I remembered, in my office I had a business card
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ali sam se setila da u kancelariji imam vizit-kartu
11:22
with my number on it. So I go into my business room,
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sa svojim brojem. I odem ja u kućnu kancelariju,
11:25
I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.
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izvučem 10 cm visoku gomilu vizit-karata.
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top and even though
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I gledam u karticu na vrhu i iako
11:31
I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,
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mogu jasno u umu da vidim kako moja vizit-karta izgleda
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
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ne mogu da kažem da li je ovo
11:37
was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.
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moja kartica ili nije, jer su mi pred očima sve sami pikseli.
11:40
And the pixels of the words blended
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I pikseli reči se utapaju
11:42
with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,
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u piksele pozadine i piksele simbola
11:45
and I just couldn't tell.
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i prosto ne mogu da odredim šta je šta.
11:47
And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.
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I onda sačekam ono što zovem talas jasnoće.
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able to
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U tom trenutku mogu da se
11:53
reattach to normal reality and I could tell
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ponovo uvežem s normalnom stvarnošću i da kažem
11:56
that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.
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ovo nije ta kartica... ovo nije ta kartica... ovo nije ta kartica.
11:58
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down
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Trebalo mi je 45 minuta da prođem 3 cm
12:02
inside of that stack of cards.
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kroz gomilu kartica.
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is
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U međuvremenu, tokom 45 minuta, izliv
12:07
getting bigger in my left hemisphere.
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u mojoj levoj hemisferi postaje sve veći.
12:09
I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,
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Ne razumem brojeve. Ne razumem telefon,
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
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ali to je jedini plan koji imam.
12:14
So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,
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I uzmem slušalicu i stavim je tu. I uzmem vizit-kartu
12:17
I put it right here, and
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stavim je pred sebe i
12:19
I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card
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povezujem oblik crtica na kartici
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.
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sa oblikom crtica na slušalici.
12:26
But then I would drift back out into La La Land,
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Ali onda odlutam nazad u Dembeliju
12:29
and not remember when I came back if I'd already
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i kada se vratim ne sećam se da li sam već
12:32
dialed those numbers.
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okrenula te brojeve.
12:33
So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump
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Tako da sam morala da držim svoju paralizovanu ruku
12:37
and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed
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kao patrljak dok sam prolazila brojeve i pritiskala ih
12:40
them, so that as I would come back to normal
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tako da, kada se vratim u normalnu
12:43
reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."
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stvarnost, mogu da kažem, "Da, taj broj sam već okrenula."
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
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Konačno, okrenem ceo broj
12:50
and I'm listening to the phone, and
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i slušam telefon i
12:52
my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,
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moj kolega se javi i kaže mi
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,
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"Vu vu vu vu". (Smeh) I ja pomislim:
13:01
"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"
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"O bože, zvuči kao zlatni ritriver!"
13:08
And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:
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I ja njemu kažem - sasvim jasno u mom umu, kažem mu:
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
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"Džil ovde! Treba mi pomoć!"
13:13
And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."
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A moj glas ispadne "Vu vu vu vu vu".
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."
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I mislim: "O bože, zvučim kao zlatni ritriver".
13:18
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that
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Nisam mogla da znam - nisam znala da
13:21
I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.
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ne mogu da progovorim ili razumem jezik dok nisam probala.
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.
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I on je shvatio da mi treba pomoć i pozvao je pomoć.
13:27
And a little while later, I am riding in an
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I malo kasnije, ja se tako vozim u
13:31
ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
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ambulatnim kolima preko Bostona iz jedne bolnice u Glavnu bolnicu
13:35
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
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i sklupčam se u malu fetusnu loptu.
13:37
And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,
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I baš kao balon u kome je ostao tračak vazduha,
13:44
just, just right out of the balloon,
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baš, baš pravo iz balona, osetila sam
13:47
I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.
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kako se moja energije podiže - i samo kako mi se duh predaje.
13:51
And in that moment, I knew that I
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I u tom trenutku sam znala da
13:57
was no longer the choreographer of my life.
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više nisam koreograf svoga života.
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a
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I ili će doktori spasiti moje telo i pružiti mi
14:03
second chance at life, or this was perhaps
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drugu priliku da živim ili bi ovo možda mogao
14:06
my moment of transition.
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biti moj trenutak prelaska.
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked
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Kada sam se probudila kasnije popodne, sa šokom
14:17
to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender,
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sam otkrila da sam još uvek živa. Kada sam osetila svoj duh
14:22
I said goodbye to my life.
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kako se predaje, oprostila sam se sa životom.
14:25
And my mind was now suspended between two very
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I moj um je sada bio zaustavljen između dve
14:29
opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in
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suprotstavljene ravni stvarnosti. Stimulansi
14:33
through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.
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su na moje čulne sisteme delovali kao čist bol.
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds
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Svetlost mi je progorevala mozak kao plamen, a zvuci
14:41
were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a
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su bili toliko glasni i haotični da nisam mogla da
14:45
voice out from the background noise,
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razaberem glas od pozadinskog šuma
14:49
and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the
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i samo sam želela da pobegnem. Zato što nisam mogla da odredim
14:53
position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive,
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položaj mog tela u prostoru, osećala sam se ogromnom i prostranom
14:58
like a genie just liberated from her bottle.
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kao duh tek oslobođen iz boce.
15:03
And my spirit soared free, like a great whale
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I moj duh je sukljao slobodno, kao veliki kit
15:08
gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.
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klizeći kroz more tihe euforije.
15:14
Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking,
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Nirvana. Našla sam Nirvanu. I sećam se da sam mislila
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze
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kako nema šanse da ću ikada moći da uguram
15:25
the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.
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svu svoju ogromnost nazad u ovo sićušno telašce.
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive,
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Ali onda sam shvatila: "Ali, još uvek sam živa! Još uvek sam živa
15:36
and I have found Nirvana. And if I have
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i našla sam Nivranu. I ako sam
15:40
found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone
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našla Nirvanu i još sam živa, onda svako
15:43
who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world
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živi može da nađe Nirvanu." I zamislila sam svet
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate,
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prepun predivnih, mirnih, saosećajnih
15:54
loving people who knew that they could come to
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ljudi punih ljubavi koji znaju da mogu da dođu
15:57
this space at any time. And that they could
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u ovaj prostor bilo kada. I da mogu da
16:01
purposely choose to step to the right of their
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namerno iskorače nadesno iz svoje
16:05
left hemispheres and find this peace. And then
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leve hemisfere i nađu ovaj mir. A onda sam
16:10
I realized what a tremendous gift this experience
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shvatila koliko bi ogroman dar ovo iskustvo
16:14
could be, what a stroke of insight this could be
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moglo biti, kakav udar uvida bi ovo moglo biti
16:19
to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.
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o tome kako živimo svoje živote. I to me motivisalo da se oporavim.
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the
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Dve i po nedelje posle izliva,
16:31
surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot
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hirurzi su izvršili operaciju i uklonili ugrušak krvi
16:33
the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.
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veličine loptice za golf koji je pritiskao moje jezičke centre.
16:36
Here I am with my mama,
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Evo mene s mojom mamom,
16:38
who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.
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koja je pravi anđeo u mom životu. Trebalo mi je osam godina da se potpuno oporavim.
16:47
So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe,
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Pa ko smo to mi? Mi smo životna sila univerzuma,
16:52
with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.
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spretni s rukama i sa dva kognitivna uma.
16:57
And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,
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I imamo moć da biramo, od trenutka do trenutka,
17:01
who and how we want to be in the world.
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ko i kako želimo da budemo u ovom svetu.
17:06
Right here, right now, I can step into the
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Ovde, sada, mogu da zakoračim u
17:08
consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.
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svest moje desne hemisfere, gde smo mi.
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
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Ja sam snaga životne sile univerzuma.
17:16
I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful
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Ja sam snaga životne sile 50 triliona predivnih
17:19
molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.
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molekularnih duhova koji sačinjavaju moj oblik, jedno sa svime što postoji.
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of
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Ili mogu da odaberem da kročim u svest moje
17:28
my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual,
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leve hemisfere, gde postajem jedna individua,
17:32
a solid. Separate from the flow,
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čvrsto agregatno stanje. Izdvojena iz toka,
17:36
separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
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izdvojena od vas. Ja sam dr Džil Bolte Tejlor:
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.
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intelektualac, neuroanatom. To su "mi" unutar mene.
17:50
Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?
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Šta biste vi odabrali? Šta odabirate? I kada?
17:59
I believe that the more time we spend
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Ja verujem da što više vremena utrošimo
18:03
choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry
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odabirući da upravljamo dubokim tokovima unutrašnjeg mira
18:06
of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will
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u našim desnim hemisferama, više mira ćemo
18:09
project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.
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odašiljati u svet i naša planeta će biti tim mirnija.
18:13
And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.
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I mislila sam da je to ideja vredna širenja.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jill Bolte Taylor - NeuroanatomistBrain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery.
Why you should listen
One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...
Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."
Jill Bolte Taylor | Speaker | TED.com