TED2008
Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight
吉兒泰勒-你腦內的兩個世界
Filmed:
Readability: 3.7
26,359,883 views
吉兒泰勒親身經歷過少數腦部科學家希望擁有的研究經驗：她親身經歷過一次腦中風。看著自己的腦功能徹底退化--動作、言語、自我意識都一一退化。這是一段動人的演講。
Jill Bolte Taylor - Neuroanatomist
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
0
0
3000
我決定研究腦部
00:21
because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:
1
3000
4000
是因為我的哥哥被診斷出
00:25
schizophrenia. And as a sister
2
7000
2000
精神分裂症。我身為他的妹妹
00:27
and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why
3
9000
4000
以及一個科學家，我想了解為什麼
00:31
is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect
4
13000
3000
我可以將我的夢想
00:34
them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?
5
16000
3000
和現實生活做連結，並讓我的夢想成真
00:37
What is it about my brother's brain and
6
19000
4000
而我的哥哥
00:41
his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his
7
23000
3000
卻沒辦法將他的夢想連結到
00:44
dreams to a common and shared reality, so they
8
26000
4000
大家共享的現實世界中
00:48
instead become delusion?
9
30000
2000
導致這些夢想變成幻覺？
00:51
So I dedicated my career to research into the
10
33000
2000
所以我全心投入
00:53
severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state
11
35000
3000
重度心理疾病的研究，並從我的家鄉
00:56
of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in
12
38000
3000
印第安那州搬遷到了波士頓
00:59
the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard
13
41000
3000
到哈佛大學精神醫學部， Francine Benes博士的
01:02
Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,
14
44000
6000
研究室工作。我們研究的問題是
01:08
"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals
15
50000
5000
所謂「正常人」的大腦和那些
01:13
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
16
55000
2000
精神分裂患者
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with
17
57000
3000
精神混亂患者
01:18
schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
18
60000
5000
和躁鬱患者的大腦，在生理上到底有什麼不同？
01:23
So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry
19
65000
3000
我們其實在繪出腦內的電路
01:26
of the brain: which cells are communicating with
20
68000
3000
哪些細胞會跟哪些細胞溝通？
01:29
which cells, with which chemicals, and then in
21
71000
3000
用什麼化學物質來溝通？
01:32
what quantities of those chemicals?
22
74000
3000
用多少化學物質來溝通？
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing
23
77000
4000
我白天都在做這種研究
01:39
this type of research during the day.
24
81000
3000
所以日子過的很充實
01:42
But then in the evenings and on the weekends,
25
84000
3000
到了晚上和週末
01:45
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
26
87000
5000
我四處奔走替 NAMI (國家心理疾病聯盟) 作宣導
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up
27
92000
3000
但是在1996年10月10號，我醒來時
01:53
to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.
28
95000
4000
發現自己的腦部出現了問題
01:57
A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.
29
99000
4000
一根血管在我的左腦破裂
02:01
And in the course of four hours,
30
103000
2000
在接下來的四個鐘頭
02:03
I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to
31
105000
5000
我看著自己的腦功能徹底退化
02:08
process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,
32
110000
4000
腦溢血的那個早上
02:12
I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.
33
114000
6000
我無法行走、說話、閱讀、寫字，或是記得我的人生
02:18
I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.
34
120000
4000
我幾乎變成了個嬰兒，躲在女人的軀殼裡
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
35
125000
3000
如果你看過人腦
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.
36
128000
3000
就會很清楚知道，腦的左右兩半球是完全分開的
02:29
And I have brought for you a real human brain.
37
131000
6000
我帶來了一個真的人腦
02:38
So this is a real human brain.
38
140000
7000
這是真的人腦
02:46
This is the front of the brain,
39
148000
2000
這是腦的前端
02:48
the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,
40
150000
4000
這是腦的後端，連接著脊髓
02:52
and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.
41
154000
4000
而在我的頭顱裡面，它是這樣擺著的
02:56
And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that
42
158000
2000
我們的大腦的兩個半球
02:58
the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.
43
160000
5000
是完全分離的
03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
44
166000
2000
用電腦術語來講
03:06
our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,
45
168000
3000
右腦的功能像一個並聯處理器
03:09
while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.
46
171000
4000
而左腦像一個串聯處理器
03:13
The two hemispheres do communicate with one another
47
175000
3000
左腦和右腦靠著
03:16
through the corpus collosum,
48
178000
2000
胼胝體來溝通
03:18
which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.
49
180000
4000
是由三億個神經元軸突纖維組成的構造
03:22
But other than that,
50
184000
2000
除此之外
03:24
the two hemispheres are completely separate.
51
186000
4000
左右腦是完全分離的
03:28
Because they process information differently,
52
190000
3000
因為左腦和右腦用不同的方式處理資訊
03:31
each of our hemispheres think about different things,
53
193000
3000
想著不同的事情
03:34
they care about different things, and, dare I say,
54
196000
4000
關心不同的事情
03:38
they have very different personalities.
55
200000
4000
所以我說他們有迥異的性格
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.
56
205000
7000
麻煩一下，謝謝，這真是歡樂。(助理：是呀！)
03:51
Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.
57
213000
4000
我們的右腦只關心此時
03:55
It's all about "right here, right now."
58
217000
5000
此刻、當下
04:00
Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures
59
222000
3000
它用圖像來思考
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.
60
225000
4000
用肢體運動來學習
04:07
Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously
61
229000
5000
外界的資訊以能量的型態不斷地流進
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
62
234000
2000
我們的感覺神經系統
04:14
and then it explodes into this enormous collage
63
236000
3000
然後在體內如爆炸般地
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
64
239000
4000
拼湊出「當下」的模樣
04:21
what this present moment smells like and tastes like,
65
243000
3000
「當下」的氣味
04:24
what it feels like and what it sounds like.
66
246000
4000
觸感和聲音
04:29
I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me
67
251000
5000
「我」是一種能量體，藉由右腦的意識
04:34
through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.
68
256000
3000
與外界的能量連結
04:37
We are energy-beings connected to one another
69
259000
4000
我們都是能量體
04:41
through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.
70
263000
6000
藉由右腦的作用彼此連結成一個大家族
04:47
And right here,
71
269000
2000
而此時此地
04:49
right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,
72
271000
2000
我們都是這星球上的兄弟姊妹
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
73
273000
4000
為了讓這個世界更美好而存在
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.
74
277000
6000
在這當下，我們是完美無暇的，是完整的，是美麗的
05:02
My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.
75
284000
5000
左腦則是個很不一樣的情況
05:07
Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.
76
289000
4000
它用線性和規律去思考
05:11
Our left hemisphere
77
293000
2000
我們的左腦
05:13
is all about the past and it's all about the future.
78
295000
4000
關心著過去和未來
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take that
79
299000
3000
它的功能在於
05:20
enormous collage of the present moment and start
80
302000
3000
把我們拼湊出來的「當下」
05:23
picking out details, details and more details about those details.
81
305000
4000
挑選其中的細節，以及細節中的細節
05:27
It then categorizes and
82
309000
2000
並把這些細節分類整理
05:29
organizes all that information, associates it
83
311000
4000
再把它們連結到
05:33
with everything in the past we've ever learned, and
84
315000
3000
過去的經驗
05:36
projects into the future all of our possibilities.
85
318000
3000
和未來的憧憬
05:40
And our left hemisphere thinks in language.
86
322000
4000
我們的左腦用語言來思考
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my
87
326000
3000
它是把「我」的內心世界
05:47
internal world to my external world.
88
329000
4000
和外在環境持續連結起來的獨白
05:51
It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember
89
333000
4000
它是提醒我「回家的路上
05:55
to pick up bananas on your way home.
90
337000
3000
記得要買香蕉，早上要吃的」
05:58
I need them in the morning."
91
340000
1000
的那個小聲音
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me
92
341000
3000
它是告訴個聰明的聲音
06:02
when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,
93
344000
3000
告訴我什麼時候該送洗衣服。最重要的
06:05
it's that little voice that says to me,
94
347000
4000
它是告訴我：
06:09
"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"
95
351000
6000
「我是我」的那個聲音。當我的左腦告訴我：「我是我」的時候
06:15
I become separate.
96
357000
3000
我就變成一個獨立的個體
06:18
I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow
97
360000
4000
我便從外界環境的能量分離出來
06:22
around me and separate from you.
98
364000
3000
我變得獨特
06:25
And this was the portion of my brain that I lost
99
367000
3000
而它是我在腦中風的那個早上
06:28
on the morning of my stroke.
100
370000
2000
喪失功能的那部份
06:30
On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a
101
372000
4000
中風的那個早上，我醒來時
06:34
pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --
102
376000
5000
覺得左眼後方傳來陣陣疼痛
06:39
caustic pain -- that you get when you
103
381000
2000
有點像是
06:41
bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --
104
383000
4000
一口咬在冰淇淋上的那種痛。它抓住我
06:45
and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --
105
387000
3000
然後又放開，然後再次抓住
06:49
and then it released me. And it was very unusual
106
391000
3000
再次放開，如此反覆
06:52
for me to ever experience any kind of pain,
107
394000
3000
我不曾有過這樣的痛苦經歷
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."
108
397000
2000
可我還是決定要開始一天的工作
06:57
So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,
109
399000
3000
起床後照樣踏上了我的滑步機
07:00
which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.
110
402000
3000
開始運動
07:03
And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing
111
405000
4000
我的手抓住了跑步機的橫桿，但我感覺那似乎
07:08
that my hands look like primitive claws grasping
112
410000
4000
只是一隻普通的動物爪子
07:12
onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
113
414000
3000
抓在把手上，我那時想：「咦，好怪」
07:15
And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,
114
417000
3000
我往下了看我的身體之後發現：「哇！
07:18
I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though
115
420000
3000
我看起來好詭異。」在那一刻
07:21
my consciousness had shifted away from my normal
116
423000
3000
我的意識彷彿和現實經驗
07:24
perception of reality, where I'm the person on the
117
426000
3000
分離了，彷彿我正在
07:27
machine having the experience, to some esoteric space
118
429000
3000
另外一個空間觀察著
07:30
where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.
119
432000
4000
我自己經歷著這一切
07:35
And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was
120
437000
2000
正當我對一切感到困惑的時候，我的頭痛
07:37
just getting worse. So I get off the machine,
121
439000
2000
加劇了。於是我從滑步機下來
07:39
and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I
122
441000
3000
走到客廳，
07:42
realize that everything inside of my body has
123
444000
2000
卻發現我體內的一切
07:44
slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and
124
446000
5000
都慢了下來。每一個步伐都非常僵硬
07:49
very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,
125
451000
3000
而且刻意，失去了原本應有的流暢
07:52
and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,
126
454000
3000
我的感官變得
07:55
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
127
457000
4000
只關注我體內的運作
07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to
128
461000
2000
當我準備沖澡的時候
08:01
step into the shower, and I could actually hear the
129
463000
2000
我真的聽到了
08:03
dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice
130
465000
3000
我身體在小聲對話：
08:06
saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.
131
468000
3000
「你們這群肌肉，開始收縮！
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
132
471000
1000
你們那群，放鬆。」
08:10
And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.
133
472000
3000
接著我失去了平衡，靠在牆壁上
08:13
And I look down at my arm and I realize
134
475000
4000
我看著我的手臂，發現
08:17
that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.
135
479000
4000
我找不到身體的界線
08:21
I can't define where I begin and where I end,
136
483000
4000
不知道自己是從哪個點開始的、哪裡結束
08:25
because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
137
487000
3000
因為組成我手臂的原子和分子
08:28
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.
138
490000
4000
和牆壁融合成一體了
08:32
And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.
139
494000
4000
我感覺到的只有能量
08:36
And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?
140
498000
2000
我心想：「我到底怎麼了？
08:38
What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --
141
500000
3000
發生什麼事了？」在那一刻
08:42
my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.
142
504000
3000
我左腦的聲音突然消失了
08:45
Just like someone took a remote control
143
507000
3000
彷彿有人拿了遙控器
08:48
and pushed the mute button. Total silence.
144
510000
3000
按下靜音 – 徹底的安靜
08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
145
513000
3000
一開始我被大腦安靜的程度嚇到了
08:54
inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately
146
516000
4000
不過我的注意力很快又集中在
08:58
captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.
147
520000
4000
周圍那片能量海
09:02
And because I could no longer identify
148
524000
4000
因為我感受不到
09:06
the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.
149
528000
3000
我身體的界線，我覺得我好巨大，好像在膨脹
09:09
I felt at one with all the energy that was,
150
531000
4000
覺得我和周遭所有的能量融合成一體
09:13
and it was beautiful there.
151
535000
3000
那個境界很美
09:16
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back
152
538000
2000
突然間，左腦又「上線」了
09:18
online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!
153
540000
3000
並告訴我：「喂！出問題了
09:21
We got a problem! We gotta get some help."
154
543000
2000
出問題了，快想辦法求救！」
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.
155
545000
2000
但在我意識到情況不妙之後
09:25
I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."
156
547000
3000
我遇到問題了。就像是，「好的好的，我出了問題」
09:28
But then I immediately drifted right back
157
550000
3000
可是馬上我又回到了
09:31
out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately
158
553000
3000
純意識的世界--我稱之為
09:34
refer to this space as La La Land.
159
556000
3000
「啦啦國」的地方
09:38
But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would
160
560000
2000
那邊很美。試想：
09:40
be like to be totally disconnected from your brain
161
562000
3000
能夠完全脫離腦內的聲音
09:43
chatter that connects you to the external world.
162
565000
3000
切斷與現實生活的連結，那會是什麼樣子
09:46
So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any
163
568000
3000
我在那個空間裡面，一切工作上的
09:49
stress related to my job -- it was gone.
164
571000
3000
壓力都消失了
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine
165
574000
3000
我感覺自己變的好輕。你可以想像
09:55
all of the relationships in the external world and any
166
577000
4000
在那邊，所有人際關係上的
09:59
stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.
167
581000
3000
壓力也都消失了
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
168
584000
5000
我感受到的是一片安詳。
10:07
And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!
169
589000
5000
想想這37年以來，所有的情緒負擔都消失不見會是怎樣
10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
170
594000
5000
我感受到了極樂
10:18
euphoria. It was beautiful.
171
600000
3000
美麗的極樂
10:21
And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,
172
603000
2000
但我的左腦又上線說：
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
173
605000
2000
「喂！你專心一點！
10:25
We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.
174
607000
2000
快點求救！」於是我思考著，「我要求救，
10:27
I gotta focus."
175
609000
2000
要專心。」
10:29
So I get out of the shower and I mechanically
176
611000
2000
我從浴室出來，僵硬地
10:31
dress and I'm walking around my apartment,
177
613000
2000
穿好衣服，在家裡走動
10:33
and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work.
178
615000
2000
並思考著：「我要去上班，我要上班
10:35
Can I drive? Can I drive?"
179
617000
3000
我還能開車嗎？我還能嗎？」
10:38
And in that moment my right arm went totally
180
620000
2000
就在那一瞬間，我的右臂
10:40
paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,
181
622000
3000
徹底麻痺。我此時才驚覺
10:43
"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"
182
625000
3000
「我的天呀！我中風了。我中風了。」
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!
183
628000
3000
頓時，我的第一個反應是：
10:49
This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!
184
631000
6000
「這太帥了！這太帥了！
10:55
How many brain scientists have the opportunity
185
637000
2000
有幾個神經學家
10:57
to study their own brain from the inside out?"
186
639000
3000
能夠在自己的身上研究腦部啊？」
11:00
(Laughter)
187
642000
2000
(笑聲)
11:02
And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"
188
644000
4000
不過我又想到：「我這麼忙
11:06
(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"
189
648000
3000
沒有時間中風啊！
11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,
190
651000
2000
但我沒有辦法阻止他發生，那好吧
11:11
so I'll do this for a week or two, and
191
653000
3000
就暫時休息一兩個禮拜
11:14
then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
192
656000
2000
再回復我正常的生活
11:16
So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."
193
658000
2000
所以我想打電話到公司求助
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
194
660000
2000
我不記得公司的電話號碼
11:20
so I remembered, in my office I had a business card
195
662000
2000
但我記得在家裡的辦公室有一張名片
11:22
with my number on it. So I go into my business room,
196
664000
3000
上面有公司的電話，所以我到辦公室
11:25
I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.
197
667000
3000
拿出了一疊三吋厚的名片
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top and even though
198
670000
3000
看著那疊名片
11:31
I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,
199
673000
4000
雖然我很清楚知道，我要找的那張名片長什麼樣
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
200
677000
2000
卻分不清
11:37
was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.
201
679000
3000
是我的，還是別人的，因為我只看到一團像素
11:40
And the pixels of the words blended
202
682000
2000
卡片上的文字
11:42
with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,
203
684000
3000
圖案、背景三者在我眼裡成了模糊的一塊像素團
11:45
and I just couldn't tell.
204
687000
2000
我根本無法判斷
11:47
And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.
205
689000
3000
我只能等到我的神經系統能把我帶回現實
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able to
206
692000
3000
只有在那片刻的現實裡，我才能
11:53
reattach to normal reality and I could tell
207
695000
3000
重新構建起與外部世界的聯系
11:56
that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.
208
698000
2000
並知道要找的不是這張，不是這張，不是那張
11:58
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down
209
700000
4000
我花了 45分鐘
12:02
inside of that stack of cards.
210
704000
2000
才找了1/3的名片
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is
211
707000
2000
在這45分鐘的時間
12:07
getting bigger in my left hemisphere.
212
709000
2000
我左腦的出血越來越多
12:09
I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,
213
711000
3000
我開始無法理解數字，我甚至無法理解電話這東西
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
214
714000
2000
但我別無他法
12:14
So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,
215
716000
3000
我抓著話筒，放在這裡，拿著名片
12:17
I put it right here, and
216
719000
2000
我把它放在這裡
12:19
I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card
217
721000
4000
開始比對公司名片上的扭曲線條
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.
218
725000
3000
和電話按鍵的扭曲線條，撥號
12:26
But then I would drift back out into La La Land,
219
728000
3000
但當我的意識又漂到「啦啦國」
12:29
and not remember when I came back if I'd already
220
731000
3000
我不記得是否已經
12:32
dialed those numbers.
221
734000
1000
按過這些數字
12:33
So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump
222
735000
4000
於是我抓起那癱瘓的右手
12:37
and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed
223
739000
3000
蓋住那些已按下的數字
12:40
them, so that as I would come back to normal
224
742000
3000
這樣在那簡短的片刻清醒到來指示
12:43
reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."
225
745000
5000
我才可能知道撥出了哪些數字，最終電話打通了
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
226
750000
2000
最終電話數字都按了
12:50
and I'm listening to the phone, and
227
752000
2000
聽著電話那頭
12:52
my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,
228
754000
3000
我的同事接了電話，但我只聽到
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,
229
758000
5000
「嗚嗚嗚嗚」的扭曲聲音。我那時心想：
13:01
"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"
230
763000
6000
「我的天，他聽起來像是一隻黃金獵犬！」
13:08
And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:
231
770000
2000
於是我說：
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
232
772000
2000
「我是 Jill ！我需要幫助！」
13:13
And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."
233
775000
3000
不過從我口中出來的卻是：「嗚嗚嗚嗚嗚」
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."
234
778000
2000
我心想：「我的天，連我都變成黃金獵犬了」
13:18
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that
235
780000
3000
這時我才發現，我根本無法說話
13:21
I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.
236
783000
3000
也聽不懂別人說的話
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.
237
786000
3000
幸好我同事發現事情不對勁，叫了救護車
13:27
And a little while later, I am riding in an
238
789000
4000
後來我在救護車上
13:31
ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
239
793000
4000
被送往麻州的Mass General 醫院
13:35
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
240
797000
2000
我的身體蜷曲成胎兒的姿勢
13:37
And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,
241
799000
7000
我像洩了氣的氣球一樣
13:44
just, just right out of the balloon,
242
806000
3000
整個消了氣
13:47
I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.
243
809000
4000
覺得能量從我體內流出，覺得我的靈魂已經投降了
13:51
And in that moment, I knew that I
244
813000
6000
在那一刻，我知道我
13:57
was no longer the choreographer of my life.
245
819000
3000
已無法主導我的生命
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a
246
822000
3000
除非醫生把我救活，給我
14:03
second chance at life, or this was perhaps
247
825000
3000
第二次人生，不然這會是
14:06
my moment of transition.
248
828000
2000
我離開人間的時候
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked
249
835000
4000
我那天下午醒來，很驚訝地
14:17
to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender,
250
839000
5000
發現我還活著。當我感覺到我的靈魂投降的時候
14:22
I said goodbye to my life.
251
844000
3000
我向自己說了再見
14:25
And my mind was now suspended between two very
252
847000
4000
但現在我身處於兩個
14:29
opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in
253
851000
4000
截然不同的世界。外界傳來的刺激
14:33
through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.
254
855000
3000
經過我的感官系統成為了劇痛
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds
255
859000
4000
光線如野火般燒著我的腦部，外界的聲音
14:41
were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a
256
863000
4000
是那麼的嘈雜
14:45
voice out from the background noise,
257
867000
4000
無法聽清楚任何聲音
14:49
and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the
258
871000
4000
讓我只想逃離。我不能明確
14:53
position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive,
259
875000
5000
自己身體的範圍，我感到身體變大了、舒展開來了
14:58
like a genie just liberated from her bottle.
260
880000
4000
就像一個從瓶子裡跑出來的精靈
15:03
And my spirit soared free, like a great whale
261
885000
5000
而我的靈魂則如一條鯨魚
15:08
gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.
262
890000
5000
在極樂的大海中遨遊，一切都很和諧
15:14
Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking,
263
896000
8000
涅磐，那是涅磐的感覺，我那時還想著
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze
264
904000
3000
我永遠也不可能像故事裡的精靈那樣
15:25
the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.
265
907000
5000
把這個巨大的自己，壓縮回小小的身體裡
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive,
266
914000
4000
不過我發現：我還活著！我活著！
15:36
and I have found Nirvana. And if I have
267
918000
4000
而且我達到了涅盤。如果我
15:40
found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone
268
922000
3000
活著而且達到了涅盤，那所有
15:43
who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world
269
925000
7000
活著的人都可以達到涅盤。我想像著一個世界
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate,
270
932000
4000
充滿著美麗、安詳、慈悲、
15:54
loving people who knew that they could come to
271
936000
3000
關愛的人們，他們知道他們能夠
15:57
this space at any time. And that they could
272
939000
4000
隨時到這個空間來
16:01
purposely choose to step to the right of their
273
943000
4000
靠著意識跳出左腦
16:05
left hemispheres and find this peace. And then
274
947000
5000
進到右腦，來尋找這份安祥
16:10
I realized what a tremendous gift this experience
275
952000
4000
然後我發現這個經驗是多麼的寶貴
16:14
could be, what a stroke of insight this could be
276
956000
4000
因為這次中風讓我了解
16:19
to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.
277
961000
9000
該如何活出我的生命，這念頭不斷地激勵著我復原
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the
278
970000
3000
事發的兩個半星期之後
16:31
surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot
279
973000
2000
醫生把我的血塊從腦部清除
16:33
the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.
280
975000
3000
它有高爾夫球那麼大，壓迫到我的語言中心
16:36
Here I am with my mama,
281
978000
2000
這是我跟我的母親
16:38
who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.
282
980000
8000
她真的是我的守護天使，我花了八年的時間才完全康復
16:47
So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe,
283
989000
5000
所以我們究竟是誰？我們是宇宙中的生命能源
16:52
with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.
284
994000
5000
有著精巧的雙手和兩個用來認知的腦部
16:57
And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,
285
999000
4000
每一秒，我們都有能力去選擇
17:01
who and how we want to be in the world.
286
1003000
4000
我們要成為怎樣的人、要在這世上過怎樣的日子
17:06
Right here, right now, I can step into the
287
1008000
2000
此時此地，我可以進到
17:08
consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.
288
1010000
4000
右腦的意識裡，在這裡
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
289
1014000
4000
成為宇宙中的生命能量
17:16
I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful
290
1018000
3000
成為我身上50兆個精妙細胞的能源
17:19
molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.
291
1021000
5000
與一切合而唯一
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of
292
1027000
3000
我也可以進入
17:28
my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual,
293
1030000
4000
左腦的意識，成為獨立的個體
17:32
a solid. Separate from the flow,
294
1034000
3000
與所有的能量切割
17:36
separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
295
1038000
3000
跟你切割，我是 Jill Bolte Taylor 博士
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.
296
1041000
7000
我是知識分子、神經解剖學家。這些是我體內的“我們”
17:50
Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?
297
1052000
7000
你想怎麼選？你會怎麼選？什麼時候選？
17:59
I believe that the more time we spend
298
1061000
4000
我相信，如果我們花愈多時間
18:03
choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry
299
1065000
3000
啟動安詳平和的右腦
18:06
of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will
300
1068000
3000
那我們就可以把更多的安詳平和
18:09
project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.
301
1071000
4000
投射到這個世界上，地球就會有更多平和
18:13
And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.
302
1075000
5000
而我認為，這是一個值得分享的念頭。
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jill Bolte Taylor - NeuroanatomistBrain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery.
Why you should listen
One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...
Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."
Jill Bolte Taylor | Speaker | TED.com